Truth Is A Stranger
by Tauren
Summary: How long can the two original slayers hide from the truth? How long can they deny the spark? How far can they run? What will happen if they give in? Rated M for later content. Fuffy storyline.
1. Six Months

A.N Starts about 2 years after the final episode. Apologies for the fast time jump but this chapter is majority prequel, with a little of the story at the end. Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the original characters, Joss does. I'm just playing with them a little!

_

* * *

__The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth_ – Pink (Sober)

**Chapter 1**

Faith watched as the car drove away. She stood with her arms crossed in front of her, subconsciously protecting herself. She heard someone approach from behind but didn't turn around.

"So did you tell her?"

The older slayer watched as the car from disappeared from sight before answering, "Tell her what?"

Kennedy moved to stand in front of Faith, ignoring the scowl from her friend, "That you want her to stay."

Faith shrugged, "Why would I tell her that? She don't wanna be here. Nothin' I can do 'bout that."

Kennedy rolled her eyes, "Don't be an idiot. You know why." At Faith's raised eyebrow, she continued, "You love her."

Faith snorted, "Like a hole in the head."

"Whatever." Kennedy shook her head, "This is me, Faith. You're best friend… Remember. A few to many beers… Drunken confessions."

_Yeah, I remember that._ Faith thought darkly, _Kinda hard to forget considering I actually told someone my deep dark secret._ "Everything's five by five, Junior. B's gone, nothin' I can do 'bout that." She repeated.

"But--" Kennedy attempted to argue but was cut off.

"Leave it, will ya. I said I'm all good so just… Leave it." Faith's voice had dropped to a growl.

"Fine." She tried to leave it there but couldn't, "You really should have told her. I bet she would have stayed."

"Kennedy."

_Ok so maybe that was a step to far, what with the scowl and the growl and now her using my full name. Back peddle fast, Kenn. _Kennedy threw up her hands in self-defence, "Ok, ok. I get it. The subject of Buffy is off limits for now." She couldn't help herself but still had enough sense to take a few steps away from her friend. "But not forever. We'll talk about it sooner or later."

Faith just shook her head and walked away from the younger slayer. _You know she's right… What? Junior, she's right. We should have told her…. And what? Begged her to stay so she could laugh in our face? You don't know that's what would have happened... Yeah and I'm not taking the risk. So we had a moment then she spent the next ten days avoiding me until she came up with this stupid holiday idea... She'll come back... I don't care… Yes you do.. _Faith sighed as she realised arguing with herself was fruitless. She headed inside, needing the noise of the new slayers to drown out her thoughts. "Damn, Kenn. Why couldn't you just leave it alone?"

* * *

Dawn waited until Buffy had stopped looking out the back window, "So you want to tell me the real reason we're leaving?"

Buffy slowly turned her gaze to meet her sisters, _She can't know there's another reason. No one knows. _"I told you, I need a break from slaying and I did promise you to show you the world so that's what I'm doing."

"Mmmhmmm, and it has nothing to do with running away from something… Or someone. It was kinda sudden." Dawn watched Buffy's eyes for the usual tell-tail sign that her sister wasn't telling the entire truth.

"No." _Did I say that to quickly? _"I just… I needed a break, ok?" Her eyes pleaded with Dawn to just leave it alone.

Dawn rolled her eyes, unconvinced. She glanced out the window, "Someone's running after the taxi."

"Faith!" Buffy snapped her head around to look out the back again and saw no one. Her heartbeat slowly returned to normal. "There's no one there."

Her question finally answered, Dawn smiled innocently, "Oh, my mistake." _I know you to well, Buffy Summers._

* * *

_**Two months later**_

Kennedy walked into the kitchen and saw Willow on the phone. She walked over and placed a kiss on the top of her girlfriend's head then stepped back.

"Everyone here is fine. Kennedy's drilling the newbies. They're coming along great." Willow paused as she listened to the voice on the other end of the line, glancing up and smiled at Kennedy, mouthing Buffy.

The former potential returned the smile, nodded then turned to get a drink from the fridge, only half listening to the conversation.

"No, Xander's not quite finished the new extension so it's a bit crowded."

Kennedy chuckled to herself. A bit was the understatement of the century. Some girls were currently bunked four to a room. Thank God Willow had gotten them a room to themselves. In fact, the first extension was to make sure that all the scoobies had their own rooms. There just seemed to be new slayers coming from everywhere at the moment and they were full to brimming again.

"You know you still have your room here." Pause. "No, it's yours and stays yours. Same goes for Dawnie for when you come home." Pause. "I know, but some day."

Kennedy frowned a little at the sadness that had crept into her lover's voice.

"Faith? Faith is…" Willow looked up to see Kennedy violently shaking her head. "Faith's doing ok."

Kennedy let out a sigh of relief.

"Ok, well I'll talk to you soon. Say hi to Dawnie for me." Pause. "Will do. Bye Buffy." Willow hung up the phone and looked at her girlfriend. "I hate lying to Buffy like that. She needs to know what's going on."

Kennedy leaned back against the kitchen counter, taking a long swig out of the milk carton, giving herself time to answer. _How do I explain without giving up Faith's secret? _As far as everyone else knew, the slayer had just slipped off the wagon a little. Nowhere near as bad as before but she had gotten reckless and had started she lowered the milk, ignoring the scowl from her lover, "No she doesn't. Faith will get over whatever it is and come around. She's just going through a rough patch. She's never been a good one under pressure. Maybe that's the problem." The lie settled heavily in her belly. She hated lying to her witch.

"If Buffy knew, she might come home."

"For all the wrong reasons. Buffy left for a reason. We've got to let her come back when she's ready, not when we need her."

Willow stood up and drew Kennedy into a hug. "I hope you're right."

_Me too. _Kennedy returned the hug, "Trust me."

* * *

Kennedy tossed the unconscious slayer into the shower and turned on the water.

Faith came up spluttering, "What the hell, K?"

The younger slayer readied herself for a fight, "Wake up to yourself, Faith. You let her go. She's been gone for two months. Stop with this shit."

_Sixty-seven days, nine hours and thirty-six minutes but who's counting. _"She's got nothin' to do with it." Faith made to stand up and Kennedy pushed her back down, earning a growl from the older slayer.

"Bull shit."

"You calling me a liar?" Faith reached up and turned off the water but stayed sitting where she was_. Just cos I'm on the ground, don't mean I can't whip your arse, Junior._

"I'm calling it how I see it. You can't keep doing this. You're slaying with no thought for your own safety. Half the time you're drunk." Kennedy tried to reign in her temper, "Hell, I just had to haul your unconscious arse back from the cemetery."

"So what?"

"So what? You're my best friend and I'm sick and tired of seeing you beating yourself up. You let her go." Kennedy pushed, trying to get past the wall Faith had erected, trying to get some sort of emotion out of her.

Faith stood up, this time Kennedy let her. She stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel and began drying herself off. "I told you, Buffy has nothing to do with it. I'm just… Taking a break from responsibility, ya know."

"No, I don't know, Faith. Ever since she left, you've been hell bent on getting yourself killed."

Faith smiled but it didn't reach her eyes, "Guess I'm not doin' such a bang up job of it cos I'm still in one piece."

Kennedy shook her head, trying again to penetrate the older slayer's defences. "She's gone, Faith. You lost out, you had a chance to make her stay and you were too scared to take it. Get over it."

Faith stilled with the towel, slowly her gaze slid up to meet her younger counterpart's. "You don't know shit, Junior. You got no fucken idea what happened."

Kenendy cringed a little inside. _Seems like I got under those defences alright. If looks could kill, I'd be six feet under by now. _"So tell me? You love her, what else could there…" Kennedy stopped, seeing past the anger in the other woman's eyes to the hurt. _There shouldn't be hurt. _"You told her? You asked her to stay?"

Faith snorted, averting her eyes. "Like hell. Already knew there was no reason to. Buffy didn't need a break. She needed to get away from me. There was this… Look, I just know that asking her to stay would have only have made her run harder, ok. So can we just drop it?"

Kennedy knew when to leave the subject alone, and now was one of those times but she stored away the information anyway. "She'll come back, you know."

"I wouldn't hold your breath, Junior. Sixty-seven days, nine hours and forty four minutes. She ain't coming back."

"She can't stay away forever."

"Shows how well you know Buffy. She's stubborn as a mule, once her mind is made up." The brunette shrugged.

"She'll be back." Kennedy said stubbornly.

"You keep thinking that, Junior and at least one of us will believe it." Faith finished drying herself off the best she could while standing there in wet clothes.

"Whatever. Look you can't keep going on the way you have. We've got newbies here. If they see you like that, they'll think its ok." They weren't leaving this room, despite whatever Faith was thinking until at least this matter was settled.

Faith sighed in defeat, she was wet and fast growing cold and couldn't be bothered to argue anymore. The bourbon she had written herself off with was starting to play havoc with her belly. "Fine. No getting drunk in front of the kids."

"And don't go slaying, drunk." Kennedy ignored the scowl from her best friend, instead folding her arms across her chest.

Faith gritted her teeth, "Don't push it, Junior."

"No drunk slaying."

Faith rolled her eyes, giving in. "Ok, no drunk slaying. Now can I go and get changed?"

Kennedy smiled, feeling as if she had won a major victory. "Yep, then meet me downstairs in ten minutes. We've got maggots to train."

All Faith could do was groan. _Shoulda just pretended to stay unconscious in the shower. Woulda been so much easier._

* * *

_**Four months later**_

The phone call came in the middle of the night. Faith heard it ringing and pulled a pillow over her head hoping someone else would get it. It took a moment for realisation to sink into her sleep-filled mind that it was her mobile and not the house phone which had dragged her up from a dream she was enjoying which meant she had to answer it. _Could just ignore it. If you try real hard, you could get back into that dream. _The phone kept ringing and finally, with a groan, she admitted defeat and grabbed it off the side table. She squinted at the phone not recognising the number then glanced at the time. _Three-thirty. You gotta be fucking shitting me. _She flipped it open and growled into the phone, "Who the fuck is this?"

There was silence for a moment and just as Faith was getting ready to hurl obscenities down the phone at the prank caller, a voice spoke.

"Faith?"

The sleep fog cleared from her mind and she sat up. "Buffy?" Her heart started pounding, why was Buffy calling? Did it mean… Faith shook her head. _Yeah, right… Idiot. _

"Faith, I…"

The dark slayer pressed the phone closer to her ear, Buffy's voice didn't sound right. She started to frown in concern. "Is everything ok? Is Dawn…" She let her voice trail off.

"Dawn's fine. It's me. I don't…"

Faith heard the crack in her voice, and despite everything she had worked hard to forget where the blonde slayer was concerned, her heart ached just a little at the lost quality to Buffy's voice. Then her slayer hearing picked up another sound. Crying, that's what she could hear. _Why is B calling me upset? _It didn't make sense. Yes they had begun as friends again after the fight with the First but then there had been… The Incident._ Besides, Red's her best friend. Why she calling me?_ Unsure what to do, she followed her gut instinct and asked the obvious question."What's happened?"

"Nothing, it's ok. I shouldn't have called."

"Hang on, B. Obviously it is something, cos you're calling me all upset like." Faith felt helpless, sure her and Kennedy were best mates but it was different. When they had a problem, they yelled or fought about it. _I don't know what to do when she's crying. Why'd she have to call me, Red woulda been much better at this. Shit, shit, damn!_ "Talk to me, that's why you called, ain't it?"

"I d-don't know what I'm doing anym-more."

"Whatcha mean?" Faith ran a hand through her hair, frustrated. If Buffy was here, she could… _Could what, bright spark? Give her a hug and tell her it's ok? Then she'd freak out again, think you were coming on to her. _Faith growled softly, _I've never come onto her… Ok maybe once when we were young, but we were kids. Shit, the last time was just wrong place, wrong time. Still sent her bolting across the ocean thought, didn't it. That was not my fau.. _She was cut off mid thought argument by more whispered words.

"My life. I don't… I want to come home, Faith."

The dark slayer frowned in confusion, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart. "Nothing stopping ya from coming home but you, B."

"I can't."

Faith took the phone away from her ear and glowered at it as if it had done something bad. She put it back to her ear, "Why not?" The dark slayer was just about ready to throw the phone across the room in frustration. _Just get her home, bright spark._ "Whatever the hell it is B, can't be that bad. Just spill it."

* * *

On the other side of the world, Buffy tried to get the words out, tried to explain. In her head it had made so much sense, call Faith and tell her she was sorry. Tell her she was scared of what she felt, of what it all meant and so she had run. Tell her that for six months she'd tried to forget that one moment in time where everything had finally made sense.

"Faith, I…" _I'm sorry. I miss you._ She tried to make the words come but they wouldn't. What if Faith yelled at her, or worse, hung up_. If I can just come home, I can make everything right. I just need to get home. Faith said to come home… Ok, not in so many words, but she hasn't said don't come home either. That was a positive, wasn't it? _"I said I didn't want to slay anymore." _Chicken._

"B, you'll always be a slayer, like me. It's in our blood, it's who we are. Everyone wants a break every so often, ya know. Don't mean you can't come back. Everyone misses you."

_Tell me to come home, Faith. _"Everyone?" Buffy held her breath.

"Yeah, everyone. Red, Xander, G-man. I think even K misses you. No one to butt heads with, ya know."

"Oh." The blonde slayer tried to disguise the disappointment in her voice. _What did you expect? You left. You left her there with no explanation. _

* * *

Faith didn't miss the pained tone to that one word. She rubbed her hand over her face. _Shit!_ When she thought about it later she would blame it on tiredness, on the darkness giving her confidence or making her stupid. Any excuse to explain away her next statement. "Buffy, I miss you. Just come home. It's where you belong. We can work out… Whatever then."

"Home."

Faith heard the wistful sigh in the voice and felt her heart flutter_. Don't get your hopes up stupid. I thought we were over this whole Buffy thing. She didn't say she misses you too._ She tuned out her inner voice, "That's right, home. Come home, B." She ignored the pleading tone that had now taken over her voice.

"Ok. I'll come home."

Faith couldn't stop the grin that spread across her face. _Just cos she's coming home, don't mean anything, bright spark. Shut the fuck up! She's coming home and that's all that matters. Idiot... _"Make the arrangements now. Don't think about it, just do it. Six months, B. It's about time."

"I know… I'll let you know the when and where later. Sorry for waking you, get some more sleep."

"It's all five by five, B." Faith knew she wouldn't sleep after this. To much churning through her mind. Nothing a good work out in the training room wouldn't help curb. _Buffy's coming home!_

"And Faith…"

"Yeah, B?"

"I miss you, too."


	2. One Moment

A.N Thanks for all the reviews and adds. :D Reviews make my day. Hope you enjoy the next chapter! Let me know. Keep smiling, Tauren

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_Think I'm going for a walk now  
I feel a little unsteady  
I don't want nobody to follow me  
'Cept maybe you_

_Ani Difranco – untouchable face_

**Chapter 2**

Buffy hung up the phone and looked around the hotel room. "What did I just do?"

Like all slayers, she was on a wage. Giles had received control of the Watcher's Fund and one of his first actions was to put all active slayers on the pay roll. No more fast food joints for Buffy. Being the oldest slayer also had its benefits. When she had spoken to Giles about taking a break, he had offered her holiday pay, going so far as to back date it to when she first became a slayer. At least that was what he claimed he had done. Buffy highly suspected he felt guilty that she had worked nine years with barely a break and was throwing money at her to sooth his guilt.

Because of the money, it allowed her and Dawn to travel in style, their every desire just a phone call away. She should have been happy. She should have never wanted to go back to Slayer Central. She had tried to forget that night and everything it had awakened, tried to shove it back into the little space in the back of her mind from which it had escaped.

It was during the final battle with the First that Buffy had finally accepted that Faith had changed and for the better. When Buffy had been stabbed, the brunette had been the first one there, ignoring the threat to her own safety in favour of helping the blonde. Old Faith would have looked out for herself, this new Faith was proving to be the epitome of a slayer, putting others before herself.

The blonde had looked into Faith's eyes and for the first time in years, felt the bond they had shared before everything had gone south. Buffy had handed over the scythe, ignoring the hesitance in the dark slayer's eyes and the reconnection had been complete.

After everything had settled down, the new born slayers returning to their homes to wait for further instructions. The scoobies found a new home and begun to set up the College For Gifted Girls, known to the scoobies as Slayer Central. Not long after Faith had pulled her aside and they had 'the Talk.'

It had been intense, so many volatile emotions had been in play when they were younger and both had been driven by them, both had made mistakes.

"_I'm sorry I gave up on you, Faith. I just… Things were so… Messed up."_

"_No need to apologise. I'd given up on me too. I made my own choices and they took me to a wicked dark place. I just wanted… I did it because…" Faith shook her head, "No excuse. What I did was wrong. I'm just sorry it took so much shit for me to get back on track, ya know."_

"_I played some part in that too. I knew you were slipping and instead of helping, I saved my own skin." Buffy wondered what Faith had been about to say._

_Faith shrugged, "We play the cards we're dealt. I thought I had all the aces when really someone had just forgotten to take the jokers outta the deck. What's done is done. Can't change it, now I'm just trying to… I dunno, make some sort of amends. Save the world and all that stuff."_

"_I'm glad you came back with Will. At the time I wasn't so sure but… I'm glad you're here."_

"_Awww, B, don't get all soppy. You and me don't do soppy. We do fightin' and stabbin' and sometimes dancin' but not soppy." The rogue paused, "So we're five by five?"_

"_Yeah, I think we are, I really think we are."_

The talk had finished what the battle had begun and they were able to begin to establish a friendship, which had grown stronger in the two years since the First's demise.

Buffy let the memory fade away. While there were now dozens of slayers with more showing up every week, there was only one slayer she fully trusted to have her back, and that was Faith. So how did it all go wrong again, how had she ended up running? Oh, she knew the answer, had played the memory over and over in her mind for the last six months but why had she run? What was she so damn afraid of that she abandoned her friends? There had been nothing special about that night, just same old routine.

"Man, are there any vampires around here that will be a challenge? I mean, I'm startin' to hope for an apocalypse or something." Faith cracked her knuckles then stretched her arms over her head. "I ain't even broken a sweat yet. I miss Sunny D sometimes. Those vamps sure knew how to make a girl work. I can't even get a good case of the double H's goin', ya know?"

_Buffy rolled her eyes, "Stop complaining, Faith. Quiet is good, " She frowned, remembering something Giles had once told her, "Or not… Quiet could mean you get that apocalypse you're dreaming about."_

_Faith snorted, " I sure as hell ain't dreaming about no apocalypse. I got way better things to dream about, like that couple at the club last night. You know they woulda so gone for a threesome if I'da been offering."_

"_Faith!" Buffy shook her head, some things never changed. The dark slayer still thought with what she had below the waist half the time._

"_Wha? Ya know it's true, B. They were so checking me out."_

"_I really don't care. I don't want to hear about it. Besides, I'm pretty sure they were focused on the board announcing the upcoming events that was above your head."_

"_They so were not." Faith scowled at her friend. It was still weird, even after two years, that she and Buffy had become friends. It was the last thing she had expected. Hadn't even been sure she wanted it but here it was and she didn't mind it so much. As long as she remembered that they were just friends and that's all it ever would be. She'd accepted long ago that her feelings for the petite blonde would never be reciprocated. It was just a fact of life._

"_Yes they were."_

"_Demon."_

"_Hey, don't start with the name calling again. You know I beat you last time."_

_Faith shook her head, "No, demon." She pointed behind the blonde slayer. "Lets have us some fun."_

_Buffy turned around and groaned. "Eww! Not one of those things again. Last time we tried to take one of them down, I smelt bad for a week. What did Giles call it? Slaggy rat on us or something."_

"_Slagaratus demon. We still ain't killed one of those yet, have we?" Faith was starting to bounce on the balls of her feet in anticipation of the fight to come. "Come on, let's split up and sneak up on it. You circle that way and we'll round it up. Ya know how slippery these assholes can be."_

_Buffy sighed and nodded, both slayers moving off in opposite directions. The blonde slayer soon lost sight off Faith, the rogue's ability to meld into the surrounding still astonishing her._

_Quietly she came around the mausoleum and saw the demon. She shuddered at the thought of having to touch it. 'Where's a flame thrower or grenade launcher when you want one.' Faith hadn't been joking when she had said they were slippery. Over their skin they had a thick coating of yellow slime and holding onto them long enough to kill them had proven a problem._

_The blonde was about to launch herself at it, saying a quick prayer to the Gods of clean clothes when her foot slipped and a branch snapped. The Slagaratus whirled around and started in her direction._

"_Shit." Was all she could think before the demon was on her, slamming her to the ground. She felt the slime sink into her new shirt and groaned. "You so owe me for dry cleaning." She muttered, dodging a blow to her head. She tried to latch her legs around its neck to thrust it off her but she couldn't get a grip. "Don't you guys ever run outta this stuff?"_

"_B, do you even know the meaning of the word sneak?"_

"_Yes, I was being…" She dodged another blow and returned the favour, grimacing when her hand came away covered in slime. "Sneaky. Its not my fault the stick didn't know that." _

"_So, wanna hand? Don't wanna be stepping all over your fun."_

_Buffy managed to lift the demon off her but at the last moment, lost the tenuous grip she had and the demon landed back on top of her, squeezing the air from her lungs. When she was finally able to take a breath, she growled, "Faith!"_

"_Ok, ok. I'm helping." Faith looked around and saw a large branch. She picked it up and yelled "B, down!" She swung her make shift weapon at the demon's head, connecting with a solid blow and sending the demon sideways, off the prone slayer. She lifted the branch and plunged it down, spearing the slime-ridden monster through, what she hoped was, it's heart. She dusted her hands off and turned to look at Buffy, grinning._

_The blonde still lay on her back, barely an inch of her spared from the goo. "Don't you dare laugh, Faith."_

_Faith held up her hands, "Hey I'm not laughing but I really don't think yellow's your colour."_

_Buffy scowled, "Give me a hand up." She held out her hand._

"_And get that crap all over me? No thanks." Faith folded her arms over her chest. "I got an image to protect."_

_Buffy struggled to sit up, slipping in the slime. Finally she lost her patience. "Faith!"_

_Faith sighed and reached down a hand, "Fine, but you get that shit on me and there'll be trouble."_

"_Whatever." _

_Faith started to lean over to give Buffy a hand and paused when she heard a gurgling noise behind her. Thinking the monster was still alive, she whirled around, dropping into a fighting stance just in time for the Slagaratus demon to explode, showering her with yellow slime. She slowly turned back to Buffy, a scowl firmly in place. "See what happens when I try to be helpful?"_

_Buffy took one look at the slime-covered face of her fellow slayer and burst out laughing. "Yellow doesn't seem to be your colour either, Faith."_

"_Shut up, B." She straightened up, wiping the slime off her face. "Come on, I think I'm done slaying for the night." She held out her hand._

"_At least there's no body to have to get rid of." Buffy took the offered hand._

"_Always a bonus." Faith pulled but her hand slipped from Buffy's grasp. "Shit." She looked of a clean piece of clothing and wiped the slime off her hand. She braced her knees to give herself leverage, gripping with both hands this time and tried again, shifting her feet. _

_Buffy felt herself being pulled up, had almost made it to her feet when she felt her foot slip in the slime. She tried to regain her balance, her free arm flailing. Faith tried to compensate for the blonde's loss of balance and stepped back, directly onto what was left of the Slagaratus demon. _

_Buffy finally made it to a vertical standing point before Faith lost her fight with the goo and slipped backwards, pulling the older slayer with her. The brunette landed on her back, her head hitting the ground with a resounding thud compounded by the slight weight added as Buffy landed on top of her. She felt a wave of dizziness crash over her and closed her eyes. _

"_Now who can't stay on their…" Buffy started to joke with Faith then realised she wasn't moving. "Faith? Hey… Don't you pass out on me. I'm the one who had the ick demon on top of me." She frowned, growing concerned, she levered one arm out so that she could prop herself up a little then reached up to brush the chocolate locks that had fallen across the unconscious slayer's face. She felt the old tingle in her finger tips that touching Faith always brought and felt her heart pick up the pace. Unable to resist the temptation, she again reached forward, this time caressing the rogue's cheek. What had started out as concern had grown into something else, something the blonde didn't want to acknowledge. She knew she should stop, but something drove her on._

_Faith felt the warm hand against her skin and slowly made her way up from the darkness. She opened her eyes to see Buffy staring at her intently._

_Buffy's hand froze in mid action, a blush creeping up her neck. She tried to look away, knowing that she had been caught but was unable to tear her gaze away. Faith swallowed and the blonde's eyes were drawn to her throat._

_Faith knew what she wanted, what she had always wanted but instead of taking what she wanted, what she saw Buffy was begging for in her eyes, she spoke, "Buffy…" Doubt in her voice._

'_She only calls me Buffy when it matters.' The thought flickered through the blonde's mind. As if in a trance, she lowered her head and brushed Faith's lips with her own. Tasting what a part of her had always wanted to taste. She felt a shiver of excitement shudder through her at the brief touch. She lifted her head and returned her gaze to Faith's._

_Faith fought with herself. She'd dreamed about this moment for years but never imagined it would happen. 'It shouldn't happen.' Her mind whispered. 'You want it, she's offering it.' The devil on her shoulder whispered and with a groan she gave in. She lifted her head, ignoring the pain and captured Buffy's lips with her own. Fire screamed through her veins. She knew it would feel like this, that it would be all sparks and fire and heat. She pushed, needing more. She ran her tongue along the soft lips of her fellow slayer and felt them open. She dipped her tongue in and groaned as Buffy met her, no shyness in the older slayer's actions. Their tongues danced the age-old dance, the heat building between them._

_Buffy let her self go, giving into the old desires that had quickly relit. She let her tongue taste Faith and found she couldn't get enough. 'So this is what I've been missing.' The thought barely registered in her desire-flooded mind. She felt herself being rolled over and then Faith was on top, shifting a leg in between the blondes. Buffy felt Faith's thigh brush against her core and moaned in response, lifting her hips to make the pressure harder._

_It was Buffy's moan that brought Faith back down to earth. 'Shit, shit, fuck! We can't be doin' this.' Her mind screamed. She broke the kiss and turned her head away, unable to look at Buffy. "We can't." She murmured huskily._

"_We can't?" Buffy's brain was still muddled from the kiss._

"_We shouldn't." Faith rolled off the blonde and stood up, ignoring the pounding of her head, which was matched by the pounding of her heart. Everything inside her screamed to keep going, that it was what she wanted. _

"_No, we shouldn't…" Buffy murmured in agreement, the sparks beginning to clear from her mind. She took a breath, realising what had just happened. What had they done… What had she done? Why did she wish they were still doing it? "I'm sorry. I-I wasn't thinking." She struggled to her feet, "It just… I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. You were just lying there and I thought… I don't know." Buffy felt herself going bright red. 'Stupid stupid idiot. You've probably just killed the friendship. What the hell's gotten into you? When did we start feeling like that about Faith. It felt good though, didn't it. It felt right.' Thoughts whirled through the blonde slayer's brain._

"_Don't apologise. It was just one of those things. Blame it on a case of the double H's. It was nice but…" Faith shrugged, letting her fellow slayer off the hook when all she wanted to do was grab her and kiss her silly._

"_We're friends. Friends can do that sort of stuff… I mean I haven't with any other friends but its known to happen. Willow and Xander… O,k bad example but… It was just… Umm… A heat of the moment thing. Double H's, right." Buffy knew she should just shut up and laugh it off but her mouth just kept running away from her brain. "Didn't mean anything. Could have happened to anyone, right?"_

_Faith let herself smile, let Buffy think it was all ok. Inside she was aching. Everything she'd worked so hard to suppress had been ripped open like a gaping wound. She'd loved Buffy for seven years, had admitted it to herself for five but had accepted she would just have to live with it. She didn't know if she'd be able to push it all back down again. "Right, just a heat of the moment thing. Not gonna change a thing."_

* * *

But it had changed things, it had not only stirred up old feelings in Faith, but it had awakened the hidden desire in Buffy that she had long ago suppressed, blaming them on teenage hormones. Every time she had seen Faith, she was reminded of the burning desire she had once quashed, now burning bright. She'd never looked at another woman like that. She couldn't reconcile what her heart wanted with what her mind thought was right. She'd struggled to deal with everything going through her head and had chosen to run away from it all rather than stay and try to figure it out.

She'd fled to the other side of the world, dived head long into the heterosexual dating pool and flitted from man to man but despite her efforts, none of the men had lasted. In fact no attempt at a relationship had ever progressed to the first kiss. Every time the moment had seemed right, Faith had flashed into her mind and she'd made excuses then never seen the guy again.

The latest incident had been the night before. She'd gone out on a date with a guy called Chip. She should have known just from the name that he wasn't going to be the right guy. They'd gone dancing, of all things and right there on the dance floor, he'd tried to kiss her. She'd been lost in memories of her and Faith dancing together when she'd felt him move in close. She'd slapped him and pushed him away, like all the other men.

"_What the hell's the matter with you, Buffy?" Chip rubbed his face._

"_I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I can't do this. It's all wrong. You're not her."_

"_Her? What are you, some dyke in recovery?"_

"_What? No. I'm not gay."_

"_Well you better tell 'her' that then. I'm done. I don't mind a little baggage but hell, you just slapped me for not being some chick. You're weird. You know that?"_

_Buffy had looked at him one last time, "I'm sorry…" She turned around and grabbed her jacket and walked out of the club._

She'd come back to the hotel room and unable to stop herself, had broken down in tears. She collapsed on the floor in a heap and let all the emotions out. Finally she'd curled up into a little ball, which was where Dawn had found her the next morning.

After checking that her sister wasn't injured in any way, Dawn had made Buffy up a stiff drink and made sure she swallowed it all. Then she'd proceeded to give the blonde a piece of her mind. Dawn may have been the younger of the two but at this moment, she was the one with the clearer view. Buffy refused to talk about it but it didn't take a genius to figure out whatever had happened back in the USA had followed the slayer here. Dawn had been there, had seen the men enter and leave just as quickly.

"Buffy, you need to sort yourself out. Whatever happened back in Cleveland… You've got to deal with it. I know Faith had something to do with it." Dawn ignored the look from her sister for mentioning 'that' name. "You're my sister and I love you. Whatever it is, you can work it out. I'm sure it can't be as bad as you think it is. I'm not a little kid anymore and I'm not stupid either. Do whatever makes you happy because at the moment you're about as far from happy as I've seen you in a long time." Dawn got up off the floor and looked down at Buffy, "No matter what you decide to do with your life, no matter who you choose to spend that life with, I'll still love you. You're my family. I just want you to know that, ok."

After she had finished speaking, she gave her sister a hug and put her into bed then left Buffy alone. Almost comatose with emotion, the slayer could do nothing to stop the onslaught of memories and finally, in a desperate move to try and stop them, she sought out the only voice who could comfort her at that moment. She'd finally picked up the phone and instead of calling Willow, she called the number at which her torment lay.

* * *

"What did I just do?" She repeated to herself. She was still no closer to understanding what she felt than she had been six months ago and now she was going home, going home to face what she had run away from. Dawn had been right though, she needed to sort it out. Even after talking with Faith, she didn't know what kind of reception she'd receive from the dark slayer. Didn't know how much her leaving had damaged their friendship. She'd face that when she got home. She didn't know what she felt for Faith but knew it was something that had to be sorted out, one way or another. Buffy got up out of bed and went to the adjoining room. She knocked on the door, "Dawnie?"

"Yeah." Came the muffled response.

The blonde opened up the door and stepped into the room. Dawn lay propped up in bed, a book Giles had lent her resting on her stomach. "How would you feel about going home?"

The youngest Summers started bubbling with excitement, "Home? Don't get me wrong, I love it here but… I miss everyone. It's been so long since we saw everyone. Six months, can you believe it? So we're going home? We're really going home?"

Dawn's happy chatter made Buffy realise she really was going to do it, really was going home. _Six long months._ "We're on the first flight out of here. How fast can you pack your things?"

Dawn jumped up, ignoring the book in her lap as it went tumbling to the floor and flew at Buffy, enveloping her in a hug. "How fast can I pack? I can pack faster than a… speeding bullet… or whatever. I can do it super fast. We're going home!"

Buffy returned the hug, Dawn's excitement starting to rub off on her. "Yes we are." _I just hope I'm ready._


	3. Idiot

**A.N** Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter… To be honest I've had trouble writing it, in getting it to do just what I want it to do. Its been completely stubborn and kept heading in a direction I wasn't ready to go in but no matter how many breaks I took and how many times I re-wrote sections, it ended up where it did. So I've raised the white flag and decided that maybe this is just the way its supposed to go… One day my imagination will let me in on what its thinking… Chapter outlines be damned. Lol. Anyways, thanks for reading, I hope you like the chapter. Be sure to let me know in the reviews! Cheers Tauren.

* * *

_It's only half past the point of oblivion  
The hourglass on the table  
The walk before the run  
The breathe before the kiss  
And the fear before the phrase_

Pink – Glitter In The Air

**Chapter 3**

Kennedy headed over to the scoobies wing of Slayer Central. Before the slayers had taken it over, it had been a simple two-story brick home on several acres of land but it was amazing what having an almost unlimited supply of money can do. Giles had used the watchers money and Xander's knowledge to extend the original building, which now had two wings that extended from the first priority had been to ensure that original slayers and the other scoobies had a place to call home and so the first wing had been built in record time for them. Each member had their own small apartment with only Kennedy and Willow actually sharing one. The apartments consisted of a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and small living area, which took up the lower floor. The second floor had been dedicated to a training room, which was only accessed, by the two original slayers and Kennedy. The youngest slayer still wasn't sure how she managed to get lumped in with the other two. She guessed sleeping with the most powerful witch in the world had its perks. The training room had become a kind of retreat for the older slayers, where they could get away from the newbies and just focus on themselves. Where they didn't have to hold back because the young ones had no idea what to do with the powers they now had.

The newest wing, which had only recently been completed, had been dubbed the Wannabe wing by Faith and the name had stuck. Unlike the Scoobie wing, it was not made up of apartments but just dorm rooms, which the new slayers would share, two to a room. The rooms took up both floors and each floor had its own common living area but no kitchen. Xander had learnt from the one bathroom scenario in Sunnydale though and had made sure that there was eight bathrooms, four per floor, that could each shower ten girls. All up, Slayer Central could house a hundred training slayers comfortably since the newest wing had opened and they were almost at full capacity.

The Kitchen/dining area was in the original part of the house along with a large training area in the basement and several rooms that had been set up as classrooms, one for each high school grade for regular schooling and then six more dedicated to slayer trainging. Giles had searched the world for people to help train and teach his new charges everything they would ever need to know. New watchers and teachers had been located and along with slayer training, they all received the usual schooling so that if they decided that full time slaying was not for them, they had career choices open for them. Being a slayer was no longer something that one girl had to do, because of Willow's spell, each girl now had a choice.

What Giles had been able to put together in just a couple of years showed the true strength of the man. A slayer had gone from having one person to train them and forget about getting any real schooling to having a place where they could have it all. They could gain all the skills they needed to compete to their fullest in this game called life. Kennedy was proud to be a part of it all, and while in public she may argue a point or two with Giles because that's just who she was, inside she had nothing but the greatest respect for him. Without his guidance, she wondered where they all would have ended up after the battle with the First.

Kennedy opened the door to the training room and stood admiring the fluid motion of the slayer in the room. She watched as she executed a perfect roundhouse kick, followed up with a dizzying array of punches. She watched the stake held in the palm, as if it was just another part of the slayer. She'd never admit it, but Faith was good. She'd hate to be on the wrong side of the rogue. That didn't mean she didn't like to push the dark slayer's buttons every once in a while. After all, that's what friends were for.

Kennedy took in the form of her best friend. The last four months, after their talk, the older slayer had cleaned up her act. She still got drunk, still slayed but the death wish seemed to have gone. She'd spent a lot of time in this room though and it showed in her physique. Muscles rippled as she moved, stretching to breaking point as the older slayer pushed herself hard. The soft curves had been replaced by angles and there wasn't an ounce of fat left. Sometimes she thought Faith pushed herself too hard but the one time she had brought it up, it had ended in a fight and they hadn't spoken for a week. Faith had been right, it was better that she used her energy in a positive way but all Kennedy could see was the chance at her best friend being injured or worse.

After looking her fill, the former potential alerted Faith to her presence, "So you coming to the airport?"

Faith glanced at Kennedy before returning to beating up the training dummy. "Nope."

"Why not?" Kennedy folded her arms over her chest, readying herself for battle. She knew Faith would argue the point but this time she would win.

"We've been over this, Junior."

"But she called you. She wants you to be there."

Faith drove the stake home into the heart of the dummy in frustration, smiling a little when her hand became buried in the dummy. She extracted her hand, walked over and grabbed a towel, wiping the sweat off her face. Finally she looked at her best friend. "Still doesn't mean shit. Just cos she called me, don't mean she wants me standing there at the airport gate. I'm the reason she left."

"And you're the reason she's coming home."

"Crap. She's coming home cos she misses everyone. Cos she misses the slaying. She sure as hell ain't coming home to see me."

Kennedy could feel her frustration growing, "So let me get this right, she calls _you_ and asks if she can come home but she's not coming home to see you? What happened that was so bad? You keep saying you're the reason she left so what did you do? Flash her your tits or something?"

"What the fuck, K?" Faith gave a confused angry look. "Where the hell did you get that idea from?"

"Well what the hell am I supposed to think? You've been saying that it's your fault she left but you're not saying why."

"So you think I flashed her my tits like some teenage slut. See you think a lot of me." Faith turned away and walked back towards the dummy.

"I don't know what to think. That's the problem. Why won't you tell me?" Kennedy wasn't about to ease up on the rogue.

"Because it's none of your damn business. I'm not goin' to the airport so get over it. Go get in the car with Red, go get B and give me some space." Faith could feel her temper reaching boiling point. Why couldn't Kennedy just leave it alone? She'd been trying to get it out of Faith for six months.

"Why are you being so stubborn?" Kennedy had followed the older slayer, standing right behind her.

Faith whirled around, "I'm being stubborn? You don't know when to quit, do you? Gotta know fuckin' everything. It's my life and you don't need to know every god damned detail." She pushed the younger slayer away from her.

Kennedy took the shove, stumbling back a few paces and then moved forward again, this time on her guard. "I don't want to know every detail. Just this one, seeing as how it's been me pouring you into bed and making sure you don't end up dead or worse." The former potential lost her hold on her temper and pushed Faith back. "I'm supposed to be your best friend, the one who's got your back. How the hell can I do that when I don't even know what I'm supposed to be looking out for?"

Faith growled and flung herself at the younger girl, tackling her to the floor. She swung a fist at the former potential's face who quickly moved to the side as the blow skirted past her. She used the momentum to roll the two of them over and took her own swing, catching Faith in the jaw.

Faith shook off the blow and lifted her legs to wrap around Kennedy's shoulder then threw the younger brunette off her, following her and regaining the top position. Her breathing was ragged as she looked down at her friend. She looked into brown eyes and saw the stubborn determination she usually admired in Kennedy and sighed. Sooner or later she would have to tell her, might as well be now so Kennedy would leave her alone. "Fuck! If I tell you, will you piss off?"

Kennedy looked up from her position, slightly pissed that Faith had beaten her again. "Sure thing."

Faith stood up and took a couple of paces away from the former potential. "Buffy and I…" Faith crossed her arms over herself in a defensive move she wasn't even aware of. "Just before she decided to leave, B kissed me."

Kennedy propped herself up on her elbows and looked incredulously at Faith, "That's it? That's the big secret? She made a move on you and you spent the past six months beating yourself up for it?"

"I kissed her back."

"And that's why she ran?" Kennedy felt like she was trying to get blood out of a stone.

"We started to…" Faith shrugged, lost in the memory of that night. Everything she had ever wanted and she threw it away.

"So then she freaked?" Kennedy got to her feet and started to pace, trying to piece together everything in her mind.

"No… Then I stopped it."

Kennedy stopped pacing and stared wide-eyed at Faith. "Are you insane? The thing you've wanted for years happens, she _starts _it and you stopped it? You're more screwed up than I gave you credit for."

"You don't get it. If we went down that path… Everything would change. I'm not good at the whole relationship thing and that's what she would want. I don't wanna lose her outta my life again… I don't think I could cope. If we…" Faith hung her head. "She ran, didn't she? Proves I was right."

"Bull shit. She ran because you rejected her. Hell I might have run too, in her shoes."

"I didn't reject her! I just didn't want to mess up our friendship." Faith sighed, "Can we just go back to beating each other up? I liked that a lot more than this spill your guts shit."

Kennedy rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Look at it from her side. She makes a move, for some unknown reason, and you stop it. She opened herself up and bang, you shot her down in flames."

Faith thought about what Kennedy was saying for a minute. "Fuck!" She ran a hand through her hair in frustration.

"Exactly, and now she's reached out again and you're gonna leave her standing there?"

Faith walked to the window and looked out. "I can't go to the airport."

"Why not? And don't tell me it's because she doesn't want to see you. We both know that's a load of crap."

"If I go to the airport and you're wrong… You think the last six months have been bad, you ain't seen nothing yet." Faith turned around, propping her hands on the windowsill.

"But what if I'm right?"

"Then I'll be here when you guys get home."

Kennedy accepted defeat, nothing she could say was going to change the rogue's mind. "Fine. I'll see you in a couple of hours." She turned away and headed for the door but before she closed it, she turned back. "Just for the record, I think you're an idiot." She closed the door and went in search of her witch.

* * *

The plane finally landed after being forced to circle the airport for two hours because of congestion. The extra time was just what Buffy hadn't needed. More time to question her decision to come home. Dawn had slept most of the flight but Buffy hadn't been as lucky. What little sleep she had managed had been filled with images and memories of the dark slayer that left her both excited and terrified at the same time. Just as she had talked herself out of seeing if slayer powers extended to flying, the captain had announced that there would be a delay and panic had set in. Was she making the right decision? Could she go back to being just friends with Faith? Had she damaged their friendship to badly by running away instead of staying and talking about what had happened? Did she just want friendship or something more? The blonde had no answers for any of the questions and it left her feeling jittery.

"I thought the plane was never gonna land. I was starting to think we'd be stuck up here forever, flying in circles like that movie. You know the one where almost everyone dies and then they end up in some alternate universe. I can't wait to see everyone. Who do you think will be waiting? I hope Willow is there, and Xander."

"And breath, Dawnie." Buffy smiled through her nervousness, trying to let Dawn's excitement boost hers. To say her sister was excited would be an understatement. When she hadn't been asleep, she had talked the slayer's ear off seemingly oblivious to the inner turmoil Buffy was feeling. "I'm not sure who's coming. Will is going to be there but she didn't say who else would be when I called to give her our flight details." The blonde hadn't spoken to Faith since that early morning phone call and had no idea if the brunette would be there. A part of her hoped she would be, hoped she had been forgiven for running but another part of her was terrified of just what she would do if she laid eyes on the other slayer after all this time. Her emotions were so close to the surface she didn't know if she'd hit the brunette for letting her go or hug her just for being there when she came back. She had no idea what she would say, either. _I'm sorry I freaked out on you. I'm sorry I let what happened come between us. I'm sorry I didn't push you further, that I gave up before we even started. I'm sorry I feel this way about you when you only want friendship. I'm sorry I don't know what I want but I do know it has something to do with you._

."…Earth to Buffy."

"Huh?" Buffy was jolted out of her thoughts by Dawn.

"I said it's our turn at immigration then we're free and back on U.S soil."

"Oh, sorry." The two sisters had their passports checked, collected their baggage and finally walked through to arrivals.

"Buffy! Dawn!" The slayer had just enough time to drop her luggage before a red headed blur grabbed her in a hug. "I can't believe you're finally back. It's so good to see you. Willow released the blonde to hug Dawn, commenting on the younger sister's new haircut.

Buffy looked past Willow to see Kennedy hanging back a little. She smiled at the former potential, who stepped forward to give Buffy a cautious hug. "'Bout time you came home. Some of us had started to wonder if you ever would."

Buffy blushed, "I think I have the travel bug firmly out of my system now and I'm ready to get back on the slayer bandwagon."

Kennedy met the blonde's eyes and Buffy was surprised at the emotions there. If she didn't know better, she'd have thought the younger slayer was worried about something. "I sure hope so."

Buffy smiled, trying to lighten the mood, "Yep, I sure have. Looking forward to getting back to the slaying. Seeing everyone. Checking out the new extension and the new slayers."

Kennedy studied the blonde for a moment, choosing her words carefully. "Maybe you should be checking on old slayers too."

Before Buffy could form a response, Willow was pulling her to the exit, babbling on about all the changes at Slayer Central. She tried to pay attention but it was a lost cause, Kennedy's last comment was swirling through her mind. What did the former potential mean? It wasn't lost on her that Faith hadn't come to the airport. Did that mean something had happened to her? Was Faith ok? She shook her head, trying to get rid of the thoughts. Thinking about it would just drive her crazy. Better to wait and see just what Kennedy meant.

* * *

Faith heard the car doors slam and went to look out the window. She'd spent the time since Kennedy had left, trying to find her calm place. She'd tried meditation, Tai Chi and even yoga but nothing had helped. _There she is. _Faith felt her heart accelerate at the slight of the blonde slayer. Six months and still all the emotions came flooding back. She saw Buffy look up towards her, as if drawn to where the dark slayer was. They locked eyes, neither able to tear their gaze away until Buffy was swept up in a hug from Xander.

Faith knew she should go down but she just couldn't make herself. Fear had her locked in place. Finally she growled at herself in frustration and went back to trying to meditate. Every time she was almost at peace, the thought that Buffy was back in the same house again startled her back to the real world. Finally she gave up trying to fight the memories and let them come.

She remembered the first time she had laid eyes on Buffy. She'd gone to the Bronze to try and locate the slayer she'd heard so much about. A vampire had decided she'd be a nice meal for him and she'd casually gone along with it to get him outside. Once there she'd soon made him realise his mistake.

The vampire had moved in to bite her and she'd grabbed him by the neck and pushed him away far enough to drive her elbow into its face. She'd jumped up and kicked him in the face, driving him to the ground. She'd been about to give some smart arse comment to the fallen vampire when she'd sensed a power akin to her own behind her and turned around to see a stunning blonde. Her eyes had taken in every detail and had liked what they saw. _Definite potential there. _She ignored the wild beating of her heart, blaming it on the, still in progress, fight with the vampire and had walked up to the pretty blonde, giving her the full wattage of her dimpled smile, "It's ok, I got it. You're uh, Buffy, right?"

Before Buffy had even had the chance to answer, the vampire had jumped Faith again. She head butted it and grabbed its arm before turning back to Buffy, "I'm Faith." She had then twisted the demon around and shoved it into the fence. She beat the hell out of it and while it was trying to recover from the blows, she'd swung back to Buffy. _Gotta impress here, Faith. _"Can I borrow that?" She'd ignored the blonde's look of surprise and grabbed the stake out of her hand, turning back to the vampire and staking it after a short struggle.

She'd been all casual coolness, trying to impress the older slayer. She'd handed the stake back, happy to see the stunned look on her counterpart's face. "Thanks, B. Couldn't have done it without you." She'd known she was being a smart arse, but that's just what she had been. As she had walked away, she'd put extra swagger into her hips, hoping the blonde was paying attention. _Definitely wouldn't mind making her a notch on my belt._

That had been when the attraction had started and that's all Faith had thought it had been. It would have been so much easier on everyone if she'd realised it was more than attraction, that it was love but she'd never had love or felt it before so how was she supposed to have known. Buffy was everything she'd wished she could be and wasn't. So instead of trying to prove herself good enough for a chance, she tried to pull Buffy down to what she saw as her level. Maybe then she'd thought she might be able to get into the older slayer's pants but of course, there had been Angel and no one could compete against him and think of winning, though she had tried so hard, gone to such desperate measures. Looking back on it, alarm bells should have been ringing in her mind from the start but she'd been oblivious and then unable to deal with what she saw as rejection, the dark slayer had turned away from Buffy and set about destroying that which she had coveted. She tried to destroy the attraction but even being stabbed in the stomach had failed to diminish it. She hadn't realised at the time that she was in love with the blonde slayer. That hadn't come until after she woke up from the coma and again tried to destroy everything Buffy held dear.

It was after she had slept with Riley, pretending to be Buffy that the realisation had hit her. Riley had thought she was the real Buffy and treated her with such love and tenderness during the act and when he had uttered those three terrifying little words, Faith's world had crashed down around her. Everything had made perfect sense and yet at the same time, no sense at all. She loved Buffy, had always loved her and if past trends were anything to go by, always will even if it killed her.

When she'd finally come face to face with Buffied Faith, she had flipped out, trying to kill herself. Everything she had done had come back to haunt her and she'd known she would never be good enough. Buffy could never love a murderous bitch. She'd run, with no idea what she was going to do. Her mind had cracked a little at the realisation of her feelings and she couldn't cope. How could she live knowing what she had done to the only person she loved. She'd begged Angel to kill her, had tried everything in the book to accomplish it, but the vampire was just to damn good. He'd picked her up and set her back on the path she should have been on.

She'd written hundreds of letters to Buffy in jail, not bad for someone who never even finished high school but she'd never sent one of them. How did you say sorry for trying to ruin the person you loved? How did you ask for forgiveness? How could she expect Buffy to understand when even she didn't.

The first opportunity she'd had to start righting her wrongs, she'd taken. Helping to save Angel's soul with Willow. Then the red head had mentioned the trouble in Sunnydale and Faith had known she had to go, had to continue to try and repair what she had broken. Before she had left L.A though, she'd sworn to herself that all she would ever want was friendship, even if it killed her. She'd pushed down the love, locking it away as best she could.

It had taken time and quite a few mistakes but the two slayers had managed to repair their friendship and she'd stuck to her bargain with herself, her love for the slayer traded for forgiveness.

_And then Buffy kissed me. _Faith broke herself out of the memories. She'd tried to do the right thing and all it had done was driven the blonde slayer away. _Friends. And I even managed to screw that up. _

Faith heard a knock on the door and stood up, ignoring the fact that her body started shaking. _Friends, friends, friends. _It was a mantra going through her head. "Yeah." She called out and watched as the door opened and then the bottom dropped out of her stomach as Buffy walked into the room.

Both slayers stood there for a moment, just looking at each other and finally Faith spoke, "So you're back, huh?"

"Looks like." Buffy took in the honed appearance of her dark counterpart. It seemed like Faith had been fine tuning herself while the blonde had been gone and it suited her. Power radiated off her and it was all Buffy could do not to gawp in awe.

Faith shifted her feet nervously, "Good, great. So… ahhh… Wanna go slaying later?" She could have kicked herself for uttering those words as Buffy's face blushed bright red. The last time they'd gone slaying together was when everything had screwed up. "I mean…" She sighed, "Forget it. Its good to have you back. I gotta get a shower." She went to brush past Buffy and leave the room but a hand on her arm stopped her. She glanced down at the hand and then up at Buffy's face.

_Friends, just friends. Friends go slaying together. Doesn't mean anything is going to happen_. Buffy met the rogue's eyes and managed a smile even though it felt as if her heart was going to leap out of her chest. She had to put their friendship back on track and putting the incident to rest would be a good start. "Slaying would be good but maybe not tonight. Long flight, you know." She tried to ignore the muscles rippling under her hand as the rogue tensed.

Faith stopped and thought before she spoke, something she didn't do often. It was obvious Buffy was making an effort to repair their friendship so maybe all wasn't lost. Maybe they could salvage their friendship out of the mess. "Sure. Just let me know."

The two slayers stood there for a moment longer, just drinking in the sight of each other without realising just what they were doing. Finally a noise on the stairs up to the training room brought them back to reality and Buffy removed her hand from Faith's arm. She cleared her suddenly tight throat, "I'll let you know. Enjoy your shower."

Buffy watched as Faith walked away, unconsciously admiring the way her hips swayed. She caught herself and blushed. _Enjoy your shower? Idiot! _The blonde headed back down to the main area, all the while trying to erase images of Faith surrounded in steam and nothing else.


	4. Confessions

**A.N** Hope everyone had a great Xmas and New Years! Mine was loaded with family and I can't say I'm sorry to see them all go home. hehe. I love them all but I missed the quiet so much!

Thanks for all the great reviews. So happy that y'all are liking my story so far. I think... Maybe... We might be about to get somewhere. lol. Maybe... I think... *grins* Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter! Be sure to let me know! Keep smiling Tauren.

* * *

_Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear  
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear  
Take the wheel and steer_

_Drive (Incubus)_

**Chapter 4**

Faith stood with her hands on the wall of the shower, letting the cool water beat down on her head. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. First time you see her, you remind her of what sent her running. _The brunette continued to berate herself, wishing she could have those five minutes back again and do it all differently. Even if Buffy had seemed fine, who knew what was going through her head. _Sure as hell not me, I never know what she's thinking. Hell, I don't know what I'm thinking half the time. _The dark slayer could feel herself getting worked up again, frustration at herself and the situation building to blowing point. _Gotta let off steam. Gotta do something. Can't stay in this house while she's here. Gotta go before I do something stupid… Oh wait, too late for that, but still… _She finally turned off the shower and climbed out, her body as tense as when she'd stepped under the pounding water. She turned, dripping wet, to look at herself in the mirror with a criticising eye. She took in her naked appearance. _Still a fine piece of ass, even if it is my opinion. _She let her eyes drift upwards to meet in the mirror. _See, now that's where the problem is. Ain't good enough for her. Never have been, never will, so might as well stop dreaming. _She turned away and dried herself off then reached for her underwear, pulling it on and walked out of her bathroom into the living area. "Don't you ever knock?"

"Hey, I knocked… No one answered so I let myself in." Kennedy tried to ignore the fact that Faith was standing in her underwear. The older slayer didn't seem to care that she was barely clothed.

Faith rolled her eyes, "Watcha want, anyway?"

Kennedy swallowed, trying to keep her eyes on Faith's face. _What? I'm only human and she is standing there. What's a girl supposed to do? _"I… Ah… Just wanted to see how it went with Buffy. I heard you two had a chat."

Faith let out a grunt of laughter, "If you could call it that. Sure we spoke, I made a fool outta myself. Nothin' different."

"So you didn't… Figure out anything? You didn't kiss and make up? She didn't profess her undying love?"

Faith turned away from Kennedy, unwittingly giving the younger slayer an eye-full of her ass. She ignored the questions and headed into her bedroom, "I gotta get dressed."

"Ah… Sure… You do that." Kennedy closed her eyes. Faith might be her best friend and she knew she loved Willow more than anything else, but the months of working out had turned her friend from hot into scorching and the young slayer was finding it hard to concentrate. She'd forgotten the questions almost as soon as she'd asked them. "What's your plans for tonight? I thought we might go slaying together."

"Sorry. I've got… Ummm… Things to do. Gonna be busy all night."

"Doing what? You going slaying with Buffy?"

"Nope." Faith walked back into the room, slipping a tight red shirt over her head. "Just stuff, you know." She shrugged.

Kennedy took in what rogue was wearing and knew exactly what Faith planned. "Am I going to have to drag your sorry ass home after you've done this 'stuff'?"

Faith grabbed her keys and wallet and stuck them in her back pocket. She headed over to her weapon chest and took out several stakes, slipping one up each sleeve and strapping one to each ankle. She picked up her leather jacket, refusing to face Kennedy again, knowing if she did, they'd argue and she'd never get out of here. "Nope. Everything's five by five." She opened the door and walked out, leaving Kennedy sitting there.

The former potential sighed, knowing five by five meant yes. "I hate it when she says that." She stood up and left.

* * *

Willow and Buffy sat at the table in the kitchen. Empty coffee mugs long forgotten. Everyone else had either gone out on patrol or were in bed. Despite Buffy's earlier proclamation to Faith, the oldest slayer found she wasn't tired after all and the witch had volunteered to stay up with her, wanting to catch up on everything that Buffy had done during her time away. They'd discussed all the usual stuff, Buffy keeping the focus off her love life and they now sat in a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

Willow wasn't oblivious to Buffy's determination to keep her off the subject of her love life. Every time the conversation had looked like it was drifting that way, the blonde had changed the subject, which had her thinking so she was a little surprised when Buffy spoke again.

"Will, how did you know?"

Willow frowned, "What do you mean? How did I know what?"

Buffy sighed, this was harder than she thought but the quesiotn plagued her. Maybe Willow's answer would help her figure out her own doubts. "How did you know you were… You know?" The blonde saw Willow shaking her head, "You were into…" Her eyes pleaded for the red head to understand, she may want to know the answer but that didn't mean it was any easier to ask such a personal question.

Willow shrugged, unable to figure out what the blonde was asking. "Into? I'm not following you, Buff."

Buffy averted her gaze, "How did you know you-were-gay?" The last three words coming out in a rush.

"Oh! That. Umm…" Willow blushed slightly, wondered what had made Buffy ask that. No one other than Kennedy had ever asked her that question. She'd been out of the closet, so to speak, for about five years, why did the blonde want to know now? "Looking back, there were a few signs but it wasn't until I met Tara that things finally clicked I guess. When I was with Tara, everything just felt…" The red head shrugged, "Right. I didn't really think of myself as being gay so much as being with someone I loved but then after… You know…" Willow still couldn't speak about Tara's death. "Kennedy came along and I realised it wasn't just a one woman thing, it was women and so here I am, a proud card carrying lesbian." She smiled at Buffy. "What makes you ask?"

"Nothing, really. I was just curious I guess." Willow's answer hadn't really given any insight to her own problem and now that she had asked, she was a little embarrassed for having brought it up. Hoping Willow would let the matter drop, the blonde tried to change the subject, "So has Xander met anyone yet?"

_Not so fast, Buffy Summers. _Willow's interest was well and truly piqued. Buffy didn't ask questions just because she was curious. The slayer just wasn't like that, every question had a reason and the red head wanted to know the reason behind this one. Ignoring the obvious attempt at changing the subject, Willow asked "Why curious?"

Buffy tried to look innocent, "No, really. It's nothing. I just wanted… I just wondered…" She shrugged. "Can't a girl just be curious? Does there always have to be a reason behind everything?"

Willow thought about everything Buffy wasn't saying, "Some people, maybe but you…" The witch shook her head. "Spill it, Buffy. This is me. Did something happen while you were away? Did Dawn tell you she was gay?"

Buffy looked horrified, "What?! No! Dawnie? No, no, no. I just…"

Willow didn't give Buffy a chance to think, instead she kept pushing the blonde slayer, determined to get an answer before Buffy slipped away from her. "Did you meet a woman? You can tell me anything, Buffy. You know that." Willow reached out to take the blonde's hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze. "Something's on your mind, I've known that since the moment you stepped off the plane. I've known you for almost ten years, you can't fool me."

"No, I didn't meet anyone while I was away. Not that I didn't try but… None of the guys were right."

"So you think because you didn't find a good guy, you may be gay?" Willow didn't think Buffy was that stupid but she was trying to piece the puzzle that was her friend together.

"Yes, no… I don't know. It's all so confusing. I don't know what I think anymore, Will. I went away to try and figure it all out but I'm just as messed up as ever." Buffy bit her lip as she realised she'd slipped up. She prayed Willow hadn't picked up on it but her hopes were quickly dashed.

"You went away to figure it out?" Willow frowned as the puzzle became a little clearer, "Buffy did something happen _before_ you went away?"

Buffy couldn't answer, her eyes concentrating on her hand clasped in Willow's. She'd held the secret for so long, she didn't know if she could let it go and if she did, what would Willow think of her? Would she think she was crazy? Buffy frowned, was she crazy?

"Buffy?" Willow felt her concern growing at the conflicted emotions skittering across her best friends face. "Who's got you feeling so messed up?" The blonde whispered a name but Willow was sure she misheard her. "Who?"

"Faith." Buffy closed her eyes, not wanting to see Willow's reaction. She withdrew her hand and placed it in her lap, gripping both hands together, waiting for the axe to fall.

_Faith? Well knock me over with a feather. Not in a million years would I have picked that one. _Willow wasn't sure how to react, on one hand, Faith had proven she'd changed… For the most part. Her homicidal tendencies seemed to have disappeared but on the other hand… Buffy was obviously upset about this. Had the rogue done something to her friend? "Faith?"

The slayer still couldn't meet the witch's eyes, could feel them burning into her, trying to figure everything out. Buffy nodded, then stood up abruptly, walking to the window.

"What did she do? If she hurt you, I'll…" Willow turned to face the blonde and stopped talking as Buffy shook her head.

"It wasn't her. It was me. I… I'm the one that kissed her first. I don't know why… And then she kissed me back and we… But then she stopped, saying we couldn't. That it would ruin our friendship." Buffy gripped the bench, her knuckles turning white. Could Willow understand when she couldn't?

_And just when I thought I'd never be shocked again… _Willow took in the quiet words of her friends and the last six months finally made sense. Buffy continually asking how Faith was, Kennedy's request for Willow not to tell the blonde the truth. _Kennedy knew and she didn't tell me._ Willow concentrated on her girlfriend and sent a loud message, _Kennedy Maree Taylor, why didn't you tell me?_

"_Tell you what?" _Her lover's voice sounded sheepish in her mind.

"_Don't play games, why didn't you tell me about Buffy and Faith?"_

"_I only found out this morning just before we left to pick Buffy and Dawn up. What was I supposed to say? By the way, your best friend kissed my best friend and they're both screwed up about it?"_

"_Something like that would have been good… And what do you mean you only found out this morning? You've been protecting Faith since Buffy left."_

"_Babe, believe me when I tell you, I only found out about the kiss this morning. I love and trust you with my life but some things have to remain between friends and I can't tell you why I've had Faith's back."_

Willow wanted to argue, but had to admit she could understand Kennedy's point. "_Ok, I get it. The whole best friends share secrets thing... But don't think we're finished. I'll talk to you when you get home…" _Almost as an after thought she asked, _"Oh, is Faith with you?"_

"_Ahhh, nope. She said she had some things to do."_ Even in her mind, Kennedy's voice sounded guarded.

"_And that's code for?"_

"_Willow… I can't."_

The red head frowned, knowing what it meant anyway. If Kennedy wouldn't tell her, it only could mean one thing. Faith was out getting drunk and God only knew what else. Realising she'd been quiet for to long, she finally spoke to Buffy. "So why did you leave?"

Buffy laughed but it sounded hollow. "Isn't that what I do best? Things get confusing so I run away."

"Ok, lets try a different line of questioning. When did you realise you wanted to kiss Faith?" Willow knew she had to ask the hard questions because the situation was eating away at her best friend and she'd rather be the bad guy than see her friend suffering.

Buffy shrugged, "Honestly?"

"Please."

"About seven years ago but I put it down to teenage hormones and blocked it all out. Then there was this situation and I… It just… I don't know. One minute I was worried about her because she was unconscious, then the next thing I know I'm looking into her eyes and then I'm kissing her and…"

_Seven years? How did I miss that? _Willow kept her face neutral, "And now?"

"And now I don't know what I want. I tried to get over it. Tried to forget. I went on so many dates but every time I thought about kissing them, Faith was there, in my mind and I couldn't." Buffy turned around to face her friend, "Will, I don't know what to do. She wants to be just friends and I thought that's all I wanted but then I opened this huge can of worms and I can't close it again no matter how hard I try. Every time I see her…"

Willow couldn't believe she was going to ask this question. This had to be the weirdest conversation she had ever had with Buffy and that was saying something. "Do you love her?"

"What? No… I couldn't… At least… No… I don't think I do. Its just an infatuation, I'll get over it. I just…" Buffy shrugged hopelessly.

"Have you asked her how she feels?"

The slayer looked at her friend like she'd gone insane. "Now why would I do a stupid thing like that? 'Hey Faith, I've been lusting after you for the last six months and I was just wondering if you felt the same?' She's the one who just wants to be friends, Will. She said that six months ago."

The witch ignored the look Buffy gave her. "Did she say those exact words?"

"Well not exactly." Buffy let her mind drift back to the conversation after the incident. "She just said we shouldn't… But that means the same thing."

Willow rolled her eyes, "No, Buff, it doesn't. 'Shouldn't' and 'just want to be friends' are completely different. Shouldn't can mean I want to but I don't want to screw up the friendship. Did you ever think of that?"

Buffy walked over and slumped back into her chair. Could Willow be right? "But what if you're wrong?"

"Then you're just lusting after Faith and it's no real biggy." _Liar. _"But if I'm right, and I'm pretty sure I am, then all you've got to do is talk to her."

"How can you be sure that you are?"

Willow paused, unsure what to say… She'd lied to Buffy, thinking that whatever the reason, it must have been a good one for Kennedy to ask her too. Now she wasn't so sure. "You haven't been here the last six months, Buff. Faith changed after you left and not for the better."

The blonde's eyes whipped up to meet her friends,"What do you mean?"

_Sorry, Kenn. She deserves to know. _Willow sent out the silent apology. "Faith went off the rails in a big way, she was getting drunk every night, even when she was slaying. It was like she didn't care if she lived or died again, like she had nothing left to lose. It didn't make sense to me at the time. Kennedy tried to blame it on the extra responsibility but…" The red head shrugged, "Anyway Kenn beat some sense into her about two months after you left and she got better. She didn't stop drinking completely but she did stick to slaying with Kennedy and the newbies, staying sober when she did. She also started to spend a lot of the time in the training room instead of going out." Her voice trailed off, it sounded so bad when she said it out loud. Had things really been that bad?

Buffy processed all of the information then frowned, "Why am I only hearing this now? I asked you hundreds of times how Faith was doing and you always said she was fine. If you had told me, I'd have come back."

_So that's why Kennedy didn't want me telling her._ "And done what? You were as messed up as she was. You needed the break, Buff. We handled it. She settled down and things went back to being kind of normal. Well…"

"Well?"

Willow smiled sheepishly, sending another silent apology to her girlfriend. Buffy was here and it was time she dealt with the situation, "Faith went out slaying tonight."

"I know, she asked me to come with."

"Well she went anyway. I thought she'd gone with Kenn but apparently not."

Buffy sat very still, it didn't take a genius to put two and two together. _My fault, my fault, my fault… Faith, you're an idiot and so dead. _Feeling her anger rise, whether at herself or Faith , she wasn't sure, she very quietly spoke, "Where does she usually go?"

"I don't know."

"Then I suggest you find out and fast."

Willow raised her eyebrows at the growl in her friends voice. She touched her mind to Kennedy and spoke quickly to the former potential, dragging the information out of her lover after promising not to let Buffy spill any blood. "She stopped going to Murphy's after you left, Kenn thinks she's probably at Heaven."

"Heaven?"

"Umm, local bar… Gay orientated."

Buffy stood up, determination showing in her stance. "Where is it?"

Willow gave her the location and Buffy was gone. _Goddess, I hope I've done the right thing. If Buffy wants Faith like she seems to, then they need to sort it out._ It didn't pay to think about what could happen if she was wrong.

* * *


	5. The Truth?

**A.N** So i've decided to throw away my chapter guide... I really don't know why I wrote one when the story sidetracks from it all the time. lol. I'll just go with the flow and stick to at least the main plot I think. I'm an erractic poster so I apologise for that :D Someitmes i'll write two chapters very close together... Other times it can take me a little while longer usually because something just won't fit quite right. Maybe I should get a beta reader... hmmmm. So bare with me, I won't forget the story! Thanks so much for the reviews, you guys rock my world! Definately a great start to the day when I check my email and see reviews! Hope you like this chapter, i re-wrote it about 5 times but then i'm rarely 100% happy with what i've written. It always sounds so good in my head! lol. Anyways i'll stop rambling on now and let you get to the chapter. Keep smiling, Tauren

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_What makes me think I could start clean slated  
The hardest to learn was the least complicated_

Indigo girls (Least Complicated)

**Chapter 5**

Buffy headed out the front door and stopped. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her erratic emotions. _Breath, Summers, just breath. __Ok, breathing not working… _She shook her head, angry that she was surprised at Faith's actions. _How could she be so stupid? Why would she try to get herself killed? Doesn't she care that people depend on her? Slayers depend on her? I depend on her… Is this because of me? Why would she do those things over me? ? _Deep breaths were definitely not helping. _What the hell has she been thinking all this time?_ Scowling, she realised she'd forgotten to pick up a jacket. She started to turn around to get one but changed her mind. She wanted answers and was too worked up to feel the cold anyway.

The journey to the bar took about fifteen minutes. She had no idea what to say to Faith… Well other than a lot of cursing. How would she play it? Would she pretend she was just out looking for a good time and the bar had seemed like an ok place? Would she admit she had been looking for the rogue slayer? What would she say? Would Faith be sober enough to even realise she was there? _Should just go in there and beat some sense into her… That's always been so successful in the past. Yeah right…_ She stood outside the bar going through her head what she would say. She'd come to the decision that she would pretend she'd just been out looking for some fun. It would give her the opportunity to gauge just how intoxicated the brunette was. _Oh, hi Faith. I didn't know you came here. I wasn't tired after all and thought I'd just let off a little steam. Come here often? _That sounded plausible, didn't it? Plenty of time afterwards to let her temper reign free and knock some sense into the younger slayer.

Mind made up, she stalked up to the door and opened it, immediately breathing in a lung full of smoke. As she coughed and allowed her lungs to adjust to the smokey atmosphere, she looked around, trying to catch a glimpse of her target. She realised a part of her was actually longing for the sight of the brunette and she frowned, trying to ignore the sensation. A part of her was also fully aware the slayer was somewhere in this room, she didn't want to examine which part. She took a step towards the dance floor and spotted Faith. She was actually hard to miss once the blonde's eyes had stopped stinging.

Buffy stopped, frozen in place by the sight of her fellow slayer, who had her back to her. Of course she was the centre of attention. Everywhere she went, whether she tried to or not, eyes were drawn to her, but when the dark slayer danced… Buffy felt her heart speed up and her breath catch in her throat, her anger forgotten for a moment. She remembered all the times she had danced with Faith, the feelings she'd pushed down. It had been Faith's dancing that had first captured her attention all those years ago and the dark slayer could still hold her a captive audience just by swaying her hips. After a few minutes of open unadulterated lusting, her eyes slowly took in those surrounding Faith, one woman in particular, a blonde, who seemed to be dancing very close. _Too close._ Her mind whispered.

Buffy watched as the woman in question wrapped her arms around Faith, drawing her in close. She waited to see when Faith would push her away but the younger slayer didn't. The desire churning in her belly was soon rejoined by anger and another emotion she couldn't place. She watched as Faith swayed with the woman, a dimpled smile on her face. _That should be me. _She saw the blonde's hands slip down to caress Faith's backside and heard someone growl. _Mine_. It took a moment to realise it had come from her own throat. The growl was enough to snap her out of her frozen state and she took a step forward.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't have a girlfriend?"

Faith stopped dancing and looked at the blonde woman. _What the hell?_ "Would it matter?" She saw the blonde start to frown and continued to speak, "I told ya already, I don't do relationships."

"Maybe an ex I should know about?"

_What the fuck? _"What's with the twenty questions?" She watched as the blonde's eyes glanced behind her and turned around, all colour draining from her face. _Buffy. What the hell is she doin' here? _She closed her eyes, willing herself to be cool and calm… And sober… _Sober would be good right about now._ Not an easy thing when you've already got two thirds of a bottle of Jack sitting in your belly. _Kenn is a dead woman._ Buffy was slowly making her way towards the brunette, her face looking like she was about to kill something. _Or someone…_ She shook off the thought. Why the hell was Buffy here anyway? Did it matter? She wasn't doing anything wrong. _Of course it matters._ She braced herself, forcing a smile onto her face. When the blonde slayer got close enough, she spoke. "Hey B, what brings ya here? Thought you were getting an early night?" Why did she feel like a little kid having been caught stealing a cookie?

The brunette watched as Buffy drew back her fist and at first Faith thought she was going to hit her, then she noticed the older slayer's eyes were firmly fixed on the woman who had moved to stand beside her. Buffy let the punch fly and Faith caught it at the last moment, using the momentum to twist the furious slayer around, drawing her into the circle of her arms, pinning Buffy's arms to her side. If Buffy hadn't been so angry, she would have nroken Faith's hold in seconds but she was blinded by the fury burning inside her. She turned to… _Karen? Kelly? Kasey? Shit I know it starts with a K. _The blonde woman at her side. "You know Buffy?" She ignored the struggle and cursing of her fellow slayer for the moment, _tried_ to ignore the sensations at having the older slayer squirming against her body. _Who'd have thought she'd fit so perfect against me. All those times we danced and fought… I never noticed._

"Never met her."

"Ok, I got this. Sorry. Ah… I'll catch ya around." Faith didn't wait for a reply, instead, marching the oldest slayer to the exit. _Shit I hate it when I sober up too fast. _Once outside she threw Buffy forward, giving herself some space in case the blonde attacked. "What's the go, B?"

Buffy whirled around to face Faith. "What's the go? What's the GO? She… She was all over you!"

Faith shook her head, "And the problem with that is?" She refused to feel guilty about trying to have some fun. Buffy didn't need to know it was nothing more than dancing, that for the last six months, it had been nothing more than dancing, no matter how hard she'd tried to get laid.

Buffy refused to focus on the fact that jealousy was burning strong inside her. She knew she didn't have a right to feel this way so instead she went on the verbal attack.

"She… I… You… You're drunk, Faith. I thought you'd changed but a leopard never changes its spots."

"Now hang on a fuckin' minute here." Faith's temper exploded into action, fury colouring the rogue's voice. "What the hell do you mean by that?"

"You… I thought you'd changed, I thought you were different. I thought…" She couldn't keep going with it. She knew she was just picking a fight so she didn't have to deal with the torrent of emotions bubbling inside.

"What? That I was just like you? Some stuck up little blonde with a holier than thou attitude." Faith knew it was a low blow but Buffy had pissed her off and the alcohol that was still in her system was playing with her ability to think before she spoke. All the pain of the last six months came flooding into her mind all at once and she had to let it free. "So you're telling me that I'm supposed to slay and nothin' else? That I don't get to have a little fun unless you're with me? Well news flash, B. You fuckin' left. You said nothin' would change and then you left." _Why don't you just tell her you love her while you're at it bright spark. Don't let her think her leaving affected you._

Buffy felt Faith's last sentence spear into her heart, making the ache that had begun there after seeing Faith in another woman's arms grow stronger. She felt her anger grow to cover that ache and exploded. "Is this what happens when I go away? You go out and get drunk? You go slaying drunk?"

_Someone opened her big mouth. _Faith could feel her anger starting to burn at both Buffy's words and whoever had informed the slayer. "What's it to you? It's a free country. I can do whatever the hell I want to. It's got nothin' to do with you. You ain't my keeper, you sure as hell ain't my mother. I thought we were friends, equals but," She laughed a hollow grunt of laughter. "I guess you'll always think you're better than me." Faith tried to ignore the hollow feeling that was settling in her belly.

"Don't try and tell me what I think. You have _no _idea what I think. You have a duty to the slayers code." _Weak, Buffy, really weak. Just tell her the truth._

"We have a code now? When did that happen? When you decided it should?" Anger vibrated in the dark slayer's voice, what little patience she'd had, gone. "You know what, fuck the code. We both know this has nothin' to do with any bullshit code. It doesn't really have anything to do with what I've done the last six months either." _Shut up, Faith. Don't say it. Don't bring it up again…_ "What it boils down to is that you left. We kissed or whatever and instead of hangin' around to see if it did change anything, you made that decision for us both and ran away and now you're here acting all high and mighty like I'm not supposed to be interested in anyone…" _But you._ The last words left unspoken. "You didn't give a shit about what I was thinkin' or how I was feelin' when you left." Her eyes radiatiated anger and hidden behind that, pain. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to protect what couldn't be protected. "Tell me why the fuck I should care what you think?"

Buffy bit her lip, the rogue's words hitting home. She couldn't admit it though, because if she admitted it, then she'd have to admit to herself that the incident had been more than just that, it had been the possible beginning of something she wanted more than she'd ever realised. Faith was right though, she hadn't even considered how the dark slayer might have felt, too wrapped up in her own confusion. "You could have been killed. You have a duty to yourself. Did you want to die? Is that it? I flip out a little over what happened and this is your answer?"

"A little?" Faith spat the words out then shook her head unable to believe Buffy had ignored pretty much everything she had said. "This has nothin' to do with you at all, B. This is who I am." Faith opened her arms wide, displaying herself. "You knew that. What's changed to make you think I can be different? I'm not some homicidal maniac anymore but I'm still me." She let her arms drop back to her side.

"What's changed?" Buffy felt her anger bubble up again, the kiss had meant nothing to the slayer, she'd gotten over it and moved on to greener pastures. "What's changed?" Her voice had dropped to a growl. She stalked up to Faith until they were only inches apart but once she was there, she didn't know what to do. She'd been about to hit the younger slayer but being this close, all she could do was smell the scent that was only Faith and it shook her to the core. _Stupid slayer senses._

Faith waited for the punch, had braced herself for the impact, feeling like she deserved it. _She ran because you rejected her._ Kennedy's words whispered darkly in her mind. It was her fault Buffy ran, her fault the slayer had stayed away so long. _Why'd I have to stop it? Why didn't I just do what I wanted? Always had before. Look where being the 'good' one left me. Shoulda just got some, at least then it would all be worth it._ Faith tried to believe what her mind was whispering to her but deep down she knew, if something happened between the two of them, her world would be altered and there would be no turning back, no getting some and getting gone. She'd be captured, hook, line and sinker.

Buffy broke the spell Faith's scent had cast over her and poked her finger into the rogue's chest, raising her eyes to meet brown ones. She recognised the anger she found there, knowing her eyes mirrored it but what surprised her was the pain laced through it. "What's changed? I'll tell you what's changed." Her fingers unknowingly, at least to Buffy, curled into the shirt beneath her hand. "You kissed me and I want to know why."

_So that's how she remembers it. Typical, big bad Faith made the first move. _"I kissed you? Now hang on a sec. That ain't the way it happened and you know it. You're the one who kissed me first so you tell me why."

Buffy ignored the question, her hand scrunching tighter in the brunette's shirt, pulling Faith even closer though neither of the slayers noticed. "You kissed me and then you stopped. What was the problem, Faith? Didn't want to ruin the friendship? Am I not good enough for you? " She whispered the last words.

_Not good enough? What the fuck? Too good, Buffy, always too good. _She didn't say the words out loud though, that would open herself up way to much. Instead she twisted Buffy's words. "Is that what this is all about? You're telling me you actually wanted it? That it wasn't just some spur of the moment random act? I stopped because I know you, Buffy and I didn't want you freaking out and doin' something stupid. Don't know why I bothered. Shoulda just gotten some, everything might have been worth it then." Faith finally said what she'd been thinking and felt her mind cloud over, unable to see anything but Buffy. _Don't do it. You'll lose her completely._ Her mind tried to whisper but she was past listening, past caring about tomorrow or even the next minute. "You not used to being told no, huh? That the problem? Well guess what, me either." Before either slayer realised what was happening, Faith slammed her mouth down on the blondes, forcing her way inside. There was nothing soft about the kiss. It was all heat and anger and lust, tongues duelling for top position, teeth biting and nipping. Faith felt Buffy's taste explode in her mouth and groaned. She felt the blonde's hand twist even tighter in her shirt, heard a groan that matched her own. _What are you thinking? One taste nearly drove you insane. Mistake… BIG mistake! You'll never get over her now. _

Buffy got over the shock of Faith's lips on her own surprisingly fast and it was all she could do not to groan. Now she remembered why she was so confused, why she wanted the slayer so much, every pore of her being clambered to get closer to the dark slayer. She felt Faith nibble on her lip and she couldn't suppress the groan any longer. _This is what I want… Are you sure? Shut up! _Buffy ignored the nagging voice in her head. She was about to slide her free hand up into the dark tresses of hair to hold Faith even closer when the door to the bar behind them slammed open. It was like a bucket of cold water had been poured over her. Faith didn't want her, she was just trying to prove… What? She thrust the rogue away from her, watched as she stumbled backwards, landing on her backside.

One minute she was in heaven, all other thoughts gone, the next Faith was being shoved away. She felt the impact of her ass meeting the ground and looked up to see Buffy standing there. What had she been proving before she'd been sucked into the kiss? _Damn it… Rejection… that was it, B was sore about being rejected. _"Feel better now? You rejected me." She slowly got to her feet and brushed herself off, ignoring her pounding pulse. "I'd say we're even. You can get over what ever it is that's got you so wound up. You can go on home and get that sleep you talked about."

"I hate you." It had all just been a trick, a wonderfully cruel trick. She should hate Faith, she just wished it was true.

"Fair enough." _Well you've succeeded in driving her even further away. No chance at even friends now. _

Buffy started to walk away but nothing had changed, she still felt the way she did. She wanted to hate Faith, wanted to forget what had happened, but at the same time she wanted so much more from the dark slayer. She couldn't go on like this. It had to be settled tonight, one way or another. She turned back, ready to take a risk on both herself and the rogue. She had to know if there was any chance that what she was feeling was real and not just real but reciprocated. "There's nothing inside you that is curious? Maybe even a little about what it would be like? You'd give up that easily? You don't get it, you never have. I don't hate you, I should but you… You've done something, changed something… No not changed, awakened something in me and I don't know what the hell to do about it. I tried to make sense of it. I've spent the last six months trying to make sense out of it and I can't. I wanted to be just friends with you after… Like you wanted. But every damn time I saw you all I could think about was what had happened. I… I wanted you… Want you and you don't want me so tell me what I was supposed to do?"

Faith stood there shocked for a moment. _Did Buffy just say what I think she said? _"Buffy, I…"

Faith didn't get to finish her sentence. "Buffy, Faith!" Kennedy came running up to the older slayers. When Willow had told her everything the witch had revealed to the blonde slayer, Kennedy had hotfooted it over to Heaven. If Faith was drunk, she was liable to do anything and would probably hate herself for it in the morning. "Everything ok?"

Faith wanted to beat something, mainly Kennedy, in frustration. Just when they seemed to be getting somewhere, the younger brunette had to show up. "Fuck off, K."

_Hmmm, either I've come at a very good time and I stopped the two of them from beating each other up or a very bad time._ Kennedy risked a glance at both slayers' faces. _Bad time… Bad bad time… Faith's gonna kill me. _She tried to fix the situation."Sure… I mean… Sorry. I just… ahh… saw the two of you… standing here when I was… you know, patrolling… in the area… kind of… and thought I might just say hey, so… Hey. I'll just be going now. Finish my patrolling, ya know." She slowly backed away from the pair and then turned around and started to run just in case Faith gave chase. _Not that I'm scared… I just have things to do._

Neither slayer had taken their eyes off the other but with Kennedy's interruption, the moment had been broken. Faith had been about to blurt out that Buffy was wrong, that she did want her. _More than I should._ Now she was unable to utter the words, doubts already creeping in as to what the blonde had really said. Maybe she'd misheard her.

Buffy waited for Faith to finish the sentence she had started. She had no idea what the slayer had been about to say. Buffy, I? _Don't feel the same? Could never look at you like that? Think that you're crazy? Don't like you in that way? Think we should just be friends? Shut up, brain!_ But the damage had been done. "Look, forget what I said. I'm just," She shrugged. "More tired than I thought. Saying crazy stuff. I think I'm just gonna go home to bed." She turned around, unable to face Faith anymore and started to walk away before Faith could finish off her rejection.

"B! Buffy, wait!" The blonde picked up speed and in a few seconds she was out of sight. Faith stood there stunned. What had just happened? _Why are you letting her get away? Run after her. Tell her the truth, tell her you want her too. Well? What are you waiting for? _The brunette stood there for a moment. Was she willing to risk it? Could she honestly admit just how deeply she felt for the older slayer. _No… Hell no… Too big a risk. _Then just what was the rogue willing to risk? Would she let Buffy walk away again because of her pride? _Don't have to tell her you love her, idiot. Just that you want her. _She took off running.


	6. So Tell Me

**A.N** Sorry about the slight delay in posting this chapter... I'm trying to stick to once a week! I'd planned on writing all weekend but at the last minute my girl decided she wanted me to come with her on a little drive (Little being a complete lie! lol) a twenty hour round trip wasn't in my plans and writing on a laptop... Bites! I miss my PC and all my music and my chair and all the comforts of home. I did write some of it on my road trip ( I think I was a little insane at the time... Some of it was just plain weird.) so I apologise if its not quite up to par. I've edited it to death and it doesn't want to change.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I really do appreciate every single one of them. Please keep them coming as I love to know what you like and i'm always open to suggestions. Now if you get to the end and you're mad at me... It means I did my job well. G_rins_ Hope y'all enjoy this chapter! Let me know. Oh and I got a little bored with the chapter titles so I renamed them hehe Chapter blah blah is just so boring.

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_Baby it's you I want,  
So stop wasting my time  
And baby it's you I need,  
So please make up your mind  
It's time to choose_

_The Veronicas (I Don't Wanna Wait)_

Chapter 6

As soon as she was out of sight, Buffy started to run, pumping her legs and using every ounce of slayer strength she possessed. She was angry with herself, knew that she was just running away again, making everything worse. _So much for getting it settled tonight. _

Her feet smacked down on the pavement and she forced her mind to concentrate on the sound. If she started to go over tonight's events at the moment, she was liable to trip over something, or worse, crumble into a heap again and sob. She rounded the last corner and came to an abrupt halt, drawing in lung fulls of air. _How the hell did she do that?_ Faith was sitting on the front steps, smoking a cigarette. Slowly the blonde walked towards the front door, knowing there was no way to get past the younger slayer without some sort of interaction. _I swear the Powers that be have something against me. One break… Just one little break._

Faith drew in a calming breath of smoke and blew it out. One thing the past six months had taught the slayer was the quickest way home. When you had a belly full of alcohol and wanted to sleep, the quicker you got to your bed, the better. Faith had used that knowledge and her last four months of training to beat the older slayer by about a minute. Just long enough to get her breathing under control and light a smoke. She felt the blonde approach and suddenly all the things she had intended to say left her mind, in their place was a resounding echo of nothing.

"Excuse me. Can I get past?"

_So that's how we're gonna play it? _Faith didn't move, just drew in another lung full of smoke, taking her time. She knew she was going to pick a fight but couldn't stop herself. Finally she spoke. "Why? So you can grab your things and run again? Bet you haven't even unpacked. Would be a quick get away this time. Nothin' to slow ya down." She shifted to the side. "Don't let little old me stop ya." She waited to see what Buffy would do.

Buffy stared down at Faith, who refused to look at her. "I'm not leaving. Guess you're just going to have to deal with me being around again. If you don't like it…" She left the sentence unfinished, unable to tell Faith she would have to leave if the two of them couldn't deal with the situation. She moved past the brunette and headed inside, refusing to rise to the bait any further. She was done fighting with the dark slayer.

Suddenly she was so tired, all she wanted to do was crawl into bed. All the excess emotions had caught up with her and drained what little energy she had been running on, one wrong move and she was liable to crack open the floodgates and she wasn't sure she could close them again. She headed towards the scoobies wing of the house, praying that everyone was still in bed or out slaying. She'd just reached her apartment when she heard a door open. She fumbled with her key, trying to get it in the lock before whoever it was stopped her but her eyes were blurry for some reason and she kept missing.

Willow had been listening for movement in the hall, a sign that one of the slayers had returned. She hoped that things had been sorted out and wanted to know what had happened. She finally heard someone return and peeked out her door to see who it was. When she noticed it was the blonde slayer, she stepped into the hallway and headed towards her friend. "Buffy? Everything ok?" She heard the blonde slayer curse and saw keys drop to the ground.

Buffy put her head on the door and closed her eyes, unshed tears burning behind her closed lids. _Why can't things ever go the way I want them too? I can't even escape into my own room without things screwing up._

Willow bent over and retrieved the keys then slipped the right key into the door and unlocked it. She opened the door and let the slayer in, following her inside and shutting the door. She watched as Buffy quickly headed into the bathroom and felt a weight settle in her chest. Obviously whatever had happened hadn't helped the blonde. She seemed even more down than she had before she'd gone out. The witch walked to the doorway, "Guess things didn't work out?"

Buffy turned to look at her friend, tried to speak but nothing would come out. Instead all of the hurt and confusion of the last six months reached saturation point and the tears started to fall. _Oh God. What did I do? _Her mind had finally caught up with the fact that she had confessed her desire to the dark slayer.

Willow rushed forward and wrapped Buffy in an embrace. She felt the slayer's arms wrap around her, drawing her in close. She felt the silent sobs shaking through the blonde's body.

Buffy buried her face in Willow's shoulder, letting the tears flow free. She felt the red head stroking her hair, mumbling soothing words to her. Finally the sobs subsided and the tears dried up. She let go of her friend and stepped back, closing the lid on the toilet and sitting down. "Sorry."

"Hey, no need to apologise. Everyone needs a good cry sometimes. It's a healthy thing to do. Gets rid of all those bottled up emotions we tend to store up. We both know what happens when we store things up… Some of us leave town and others go all black-eyed girl and try to kill everyone around us. Personally I think your way of dealing is a lot healthier than mine. But see, now we've had tears so no running away and no killing people and please stop me from talking, Buffy." Willow knew she was babbling, it's what tended to happen when she didn't know what else she should do.

Buffy smiled a watery smile. "I've missed your babbling, Will. I missed everyone so much. I just wanted… I needed to figure things out. Not that it did much good. I still don't know which way is up."

"We missed you too, Buff. Big happiness that you're back where you belong… You are staying, right?" Willow didn't know if the slayer would leave again. "Whatever happened, it will get better. I promise. You'll sort it out eventually." She had no idea what had happened between the two oldest slayers. _Damn Faith. If she's driven Buffy away, I'll… I'll… I don't know but it won't be nice. _

"I'm done running."

Willow sighed in relief. "Good. So… What happened? Did you find Faith?" _That's it… She's just finished crying and you bring up the subject again… Such a Moron, Rosenberg._

Buffy sighed, memories of the rogue in another woman's arms haunting her. "Yeah."

"And?" _You just can't help yourself, can you? Have to keep pushing. _Part of Willow knew she should just leave it, but another part of her saw her best friend in pain and she wanted to help, whatever the consequences.

"And nothing. She was drunk, was pretty friendly with some blonde. We argued, I left." Buffy couldn't tell Willow everything, it was still to raw for her. Standing there, waiting for Faith to answer her last question... She'd never felt so emotionally naked and it had all been for nothing. "Will, I'm pretty tired now. Do you mind if I just head to bed. We can talk tomorrow."

Willow frowned, Buffy was leaving stuff out and it was obviously bothering her, why didn't she want to talk about it. She thought about pushing the slayer but she'd already done that tonight and didn't want to risk causing another meltdown. _There's more than one way to skin a cat… _"Sure thing. I'm just down the hall if you need anything." She paused at the door. "I'll see you tomorrow." She waited until she saw Buffy nod and then closed the door, leaving the blonde slayer alone.

The red head headed back to the apartment she shared with Kennedy, she opened the door and then stopped. She closed it and turned around, if Buffy was back, then it stood to reason that Faith might not be far behind. She decided to go and wait on the front step, intent on getting some answers about what had happened tonight.

She headed out the front door and smiled to herself when she saw the brunette already in place. _Commence operation stupid slayers. _She sat down on the step next to Faith. The brunette ignored her, intent on smoking her cigarette. Willow looked at the ground and counted five butts already. Something was definitely on the slayer's mind.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Faith finally spoke. "Come to give me a piece of your mind, Red?"

"Do I need to?" _Tread carefully, Rosenberg. Answers not arguments, that's what we need. _

Faith shrugged, "Ask B, she seems to have all the answers, apparently knows just what I'm thinking and feeling too." They sat in silence again until finally Faith reached her boiling point and couldn't keep everything inside anymore. She needed to vent, she didn't care who it was at. She tossed her smoke away and stood up, pacing. "What's her problem? Why does she never give me a chance to explain? Always with the yelling and leaving? Like she's the only one who could ever get messed up over something. Fuck, I'm only human and a lousy one at that. I can't just come out and say all this shit she expects."

"Is that what happened tonight?" Willow prompted.

"Yes… No… I don't know. We were yelling a lot. Saying all sorts of stuff. I kissed her again… Didn't mean to, she just got me so damn angry and it happened. She was all jealous like over this chick that was dancing with me. Dancing, that's all it was and she goes all Rocky Balboa and tries to knock her out. Acts like I'm the bad guy but it wasn't me who left." _Shut up, Faith. This is Buffy's best friend you're talking to. _"Hell, I didn't even start it, she did and then she pisses off before… Before I… She's always running away from me. Bet she's up there packin' her stuff right now. 'Big bad Faith kissed me again so I have to go.' What's her problem? Asking me if she's not good enough for me? Is she insane? Not good enough? For me?" Faith turned to look at Willow.

The red head frowned, trying to process all the words thrown at her by the dark slayer. She was about to speak when Faith started up again so she kept quiet. It was obvious Faith had spent a lot of time thinking about all this.

"Six months she's gone. Six months I live with the guilt of having driven her away but it wasn't me. She's the one who…" Faith let her fist fly out and connect with the stair banister. There was a resounding crack as the wood fractured. "Screw this. She's not gonna do this to me again." She turned and stalked into the house.

Willow nodded at Kennedy, who came out of the shadows. "I'm glad you stayed hidden. I think if you'd shown yourself, she'd have gotten distracted by you."

"Thought I was gonna have to jump in there for a second though." Kennedy had registered Faith's intention to lash out, had seen it in the movements of the older slayers body. Everything had screamed to intervene, just in case she lashed out at Willow but a small part of her had whispered to trust her friend and so she'd remained hidden, her heart in her throat.

"She was never angry with me. Plus, witch remember… If she'd tried to hit me, she'd have been in for a surprise."

Kennedy turned to look in the direction Faith had gone in. "Whatcha think she's gonna do?"

Willow stood up and walked into the arms of her lover, needing the comfort only the former potential could offer. It had been a tense night. "No idea but I figure unless I hear things breaking, I'm just going to stay out of it. They have to sort it out themselves, all we can do is be there to pick up the pieces if we have to."

"I guess…" Kennedy placed a kiss on top of the red hair she loved so much. "I'm glad we were never that screwed up."

Willow started to giggle. "Yeah because turning into the guy you killed just because of a kiss is completely normal."

"Hey, at least it only took us a day to figure it all out."

Willow leaned back and raised herself a little to give Kennedy a kiss on the lips. "True… And at least I didn't shoot you because that would have been a total relationship destroyer."

Kennedy grimaced, "Neither of them has a gun, do they?"

"Nope… Swords, crossbows, knives, stakes but no gun."

"And I feel so much better. Come on, I wanna get into bed and have Willow cuddles. All this makes me so happy I found you."

The slayer and the witch headed inside.

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Faith kicked open Buffy's door, enjoying the sound the lock made as it broke. She stalked over to the blonde's bedroom and threw open the door, hearing it smash back against the wall. She left the room dark, afraid that if she could clearly see the blonde, she'd forget why she was so angry. She didn't give herself any time to think, instead launching right into her verbal attack, refusing to give Buffy a chance to start talking first. _My turn to talk. _"You're stubborn and pig headed. You're always so quick to run when you think things aren't gonna go your way. You think you're the only one messed up by what happened? Well news flash, B. You ain't the only one. You're the first real friend I've ever had and all this… Do you even know what I'm risking just by thinking what I think? You think I don't want you? Have you _even_ been paying attention?"

Faith started to pace, her movements jerky and strained but she didn't stop. She had to get it all off her chest before she let fear overtake and silence her "Six months, Buffy. You left me alone for six fucking months. Did I get drunk? Yes. Did I try to get laid? Hell yes. Anything to try to get you outta my head. Could I do it?" She growled in frustration. "Six months I spent trying to get over one little kiss so don't you dare think you've got the only claim on feeling messed up. I didn't ask you to kiss me. It just happened. Do I regret it? Wish it never happened?" Faith stopped pacing and faced the bed, shaking her head, "If it was that easy then I'd have gotten over it a long time ago so don't you stand there and try to tell me how I feel. You've got no idea."

Her tirade done, she turned around and stalked out of the apartment and headed to the training room, stripping her jacket and shirt off as she went. She needed to work off the rest of her temper. She walked into the room and tossed the clothing down, wishing she had spare track pants but she didn't want to go back to her room, afraid that if she did, she'd start breaking things. Her body was vibrating with anger and just under that, hurt but she preferred the anger, she could deal with anger, it was an easy emotion to deal with. She walked over to the bench at the far end of the room, her back to the door. She glanced down at her hands and saw that her fit of temper had opened up her knuckles. _Nothing slayer healing won't fix. _She started strapping her hands, giving them protection she usually didn't bother with but the familiar movements settled her somewhat. She was almost done when she heard a voice.

"So tell me how you feel then. If I don't know, tell me."

Faith finished what she was doing then turned around to face the owner of the voice. All her anger drained out of her when she looked at Buffy. The blonde stood there in shorts and a tank top, her eyes red and puffy, evidence that she'd been crying. The dark slayer turned away again, unable to keep looking at the older slayer, unable to cope with the emotions it was causing. She'd never admit it, but one thing she couldn't handle was tears and knowing that she'd, most likely, been the cause of Buffy's made her heart ache.

Buffy stood there, staring at Faith's back, watching the muscles constrict and retract as the dark slayer tensed. She'd heard her door being kicked open and hadn't even cared. If it was someone breaking in, they could do whatever they wanted. Then her bedroom door had been flung open and Faith had been yelling at her. Even though the younger slayer had been yelling, her words had started a glimmer of hope in Buffy's heart and when Faith had left, Buffy had dragged herself out of bed and pursued the brunette, wanting answers… _Well answer really, just one answer._ She waited, refusing to leave when every part of her was screaming at her to leave, that she was mistaken and hadn't heard Faith right. She wasn't going to move even if the world started to end… Again. She'd have her answer, even if the answer killed her.

Faith swallowed, suddenly all the words she wanted to say getting stuck in her throat. _I love you. I've loved you from the moment we met only I was too stupid to realise it at the time. Every moment I've ever spent with you has been both heaven and hell, pleasure and a sweet burning pain. You're everything I've ever wanted, you're the only one I've ever wanted. You're my friend but I've wished for what seems like forever that you were that and more, so much more. I'm lost without you, always have been, always will. It's always been you, Buffy only I could never tell you. I don't deserve you, never have but, God help me, I love you more than life itself._ Faith struggled with herself. If anyone had been able to see what was going through her mind, they'd have been surprised at the depth and poetry of emotion swirling inside the dark slayer. She had her chance, now all she had to do was open her mouth. _Shit. Never been good at expressing myself. Just three little words, Faith. Hell all you gotta say is you want her. _

Buffy refused to let the doubts crowd on her again. She walked up behind the rogue and put her hand on Faith's shoulder, feeling the dark slayer jump at her touch. She was tired of being afraid of what she was feeling.

Faith felt the hand on her shoulder and couldn't stop her reaction to the spark that shot through her. She let Buffy turn her around to face her and hung her head, unable to meet the eyes staring at her. Only Buffy could make her feel this unsure of herself. She was always cocky and brash but the blonde slayer reduced her to a mumbling idiot at times. _Come on, bright spark. We don't do this, we're all that and more, we are God's gift to men AND women. We'd rock Buffy's world. Nothing slows us down, nothing makes us hesitate. Open up your mouth and talk for God's sake before she gives up on you like everyone else has._

Buffy waited, the silence soon becoming unbearable. All she could hear was the fast breathing of herself and the slayer she wanted to be hers. She let her hand drop from Faith's shoulder and stepped back, missing the look of fear that shot out from Faith's gaze. One more go, that's all she had left in her before she had to lock everything down again. At the moment the pain was growing and she wouldn't be able to cope with much more. She summoned some bravado, "Come on Faith. You break into my room to tell me I don't know how you feel or what you think so how about letting me in on the big secret."

Something in Buffy's words freed up Faith's vocal chords. She laughed, a short burst of sound. "Big secret? No secret here." She took a couple of steps away from Buffy, "You wanna know something? I haven't gotten laid in… Hell it seems like forever. Do you wanna know why? Because some little blonde thing got it in her head to kiss me and now I can't get her or the kiss outta my head. This doesn't happen to me, B. I _am_ sex and you… you…"

Faith risked a look at Buffy's face but couldn't read what she was thinking so she powered on. "I feel like I'm possessed, not me... or at least the me I know. I'm thinking and feeling things that don't make sense, have never made sense. You... You drive me insane. You walk into a room and I can't stop my eyes from following you. Your emotions ricochet through me and I feel like I'm drowning half the time. Do you have any idea what that's like for someone like me? I'm wound so tight you could bounce a stake off my belly." Finally she looked up and met Buffy's eyes again, "You kissing me... it was like I'd died and someone had forgotten to tell the men upstairs that I'm destined for Hell. I've never wanted something more in my life than to have continued that kiss."

"Then why did you stop it?"

"Because it was you, B and we'd worked so hard to get some sort of friendship going and I didn't wanna ruin it for some quick round of bump and grind. I've finally found somewhere I'm happy, people that seem to care about me. I finally have family and I don't wanna lose that, I don't think I could handle it if I destroyed everything again and you... You're a big part of that family. If we... And you... If it was just some passing thing that happened... What would I be left with? One perfect night won't comfort me for eternity."

"So that's all it would have been? One night."

"When have you ever known me to have a relationship, B? When have you ever known me to stick around?" She broke the eye contact and whispered, "I don't know how to."

Buffy's slayer hearing picked up the words anyway, "What do you think we have going on at the moment, Faith? Friendships are just relationships without the... Sex."

"So you're telling me you want the sex?"

"I don't know. Not that I haven't thought about it." Buffy blushed, trying to ignore the heat that flared in Faith's eyes. "I just... I can't go on like this, Faith."

"So what are we gonna do?" Now that she'd told Buffy she wanted her, she'd expected to feel lighter in spirit somehow but everything still weighed her down. What were they going to do? Could she risk losing everything to get to know the blonde slayer on a deeper level? _Well you stirred the pot, now deal with the consequences._

"I don't know. I know what I want but you have to be sure. It was so stupid to try and pretend that kiss would change nothing. It obviously did and we've both paid for it the last six months. If we take this next step, it will change everything. I don't want some one-night stand though, I won't be another notch on your belt. I'm not talking about love and all that. I don't think I'm there yet. Hell, it could be just two healthy young slayers lusting after something on the same level as themselves but I want a chance to find out just what it is." Buffy walked over to the table and levered herself up on it, trying to disguise the tension radiating through her body. "You want me, I want you…" The blonde refused to make this decision for Faith, she'd said how she felt and what she wanted. She was tired of making the moves, the ball was about to be back in Faith's court. The rogue slayer could take control for a while. "What do you think we should do about it?"

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**A.N** Am I in trouble? I like trouble! _insert evil laughter here  
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	7. Choices

**A.N **Let me just start off by saying thank you so much for all the reviews :D You guys rock! So this chapter is a tiny bit shorter than the others but that's through necessity... Necessity being a cliffhanger. :D Not much of one, I think but its there anyways otherwise i'd have gone on another half a dozen pages and wouldn't be posting this today :D Well lets get down to business. I'll shut up now and you can read on. Hope you enjoy the chapter. As always, let me know what you think. Keep Smiling :D

Had to repost this after reading ti through once again and noticing that when I uploaded it, a couple of words somehow went missing so i've fixed those mistakes. Apologies :D

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_I've spent so much time throwing rocks at your window  
That I never even knocked on the front door_

Evanescence - (So Close)

**Chapter 7**

Faith stared at Buffy for a moment, realising it was now or never and despite that knowledge, she discovered she wasn't quite ready to make what she was sure would end up being a life altering decision. What she wanted was there, on offer. _But what if it all goes wrong?_ It was that thought that was haunting her and making her hesitate. Instead of answering she broke eye contact and looked down. She began stripping the wraps from her hand, letting her mind concentrate on that for a moment until she squared away all the thoughts flying through her mind. By the time she was done, she'd realised one thing. She needed time to think but a part of her didn't want to be separated from the blonde slayer while she did it. Deep down, a small part of her feared that if she left Buffy without an answer now, when she was ready, it would be too late. She cleared her suddenly tight throat, trying to shift the lump that had formed there again. She thought she had a plan to solve both problems. "B, will you let me show you somethin'?"

Buffy tried to read Faith's eyes but they were giving nothing away at the moment. _Not an answer I was expecting… _Hesitantly, she answered, "Ok."

Faith smiled, "You might wanna change, though. Jeans, boots and a shirt should do it."

Buffy looked down, realising she was in her pyjamas. _Way to impress, Buffy Pyjamas a definite turn on… Not! Guess whatever it is she wants to show me, it isn't here._ She glanced back at the object of her desire, staring openly at Faith's barely covered torso. She didn't know what it was, but something about a well-toned stomach turned the blonde on and Faith's was just about perfection. "You might wanna, umm, get dressed too." She tried to hide her disappointment at the rogue's next move.

Faith reached down and picked up her shirt and jacket, pulling the shirt over her head, pretending to be oblivious to Buffy's open gazing. Deep inside, she was grinning to herself. _Definitely lust there on B's part. _"I got it covered. Meet me outside my door in about five…" Faith trailed off as Buffy looked at her in horror. She rolled her eyes. "Ok, make it ten minutes but don't worry about making yourself look all fancy like. It's nothin' special so don't sweat it."

The slayers left the training room and went their separate ways. Faith unlocked her door and tore through the room. _Where is it?_ Jeans, panties, shirts and bras went flying as the dark slayer hunted._ Really should tidy this place up… Later… Where is it? Where is it? Ah! There. _She picked up the spare leather jacket she had and slipped it on which left the one she'd had on tonight for the blonde. She was pretty sure it would fit. She knew Buffy had leather jackets, but not ones made for what she wanted to do. She quickly gave herself the once over in the mirror, happy to see her eyes weren't blood shot and the constant frown lines of the last six months seemed to have lessened. _Good to go. _She opened the door, surprised to see Buffy already there. _I didn't take that long, did I?_ She shrugged it off and held out the jacket to the other slayer. "Here, put this on. You're gonna need it."

Buffy had headed into her room, ignoring the broken lock. She figured it would give Xander something to do later. She'd quickly rummaged through her luggage and come up with Jeans and a shirt. Once dressed in them, she'd quickly headed into the bathroom and gasped at her reflection. _No wonder she hasn't answered. I look like a ghost… A ghost that's been round the block a few times and didn't enjoy it. _She quickly scrubbed her face and saw that it hadn't made much difference. Shrugging, she thought, _What do you expect at 4am in the morning with no sleep. I can't look perky and perfect all the time. Faith can take it or leave it… God I hope she takes it. _Now that she had made the decision to pursue some sort of relationship with Faith, she found she felt better than she had in a long time. Finally she'd given in to something she'd unknowingly craved for years and the feeling was down right delicious. Her only concern now was whether Faith was willing to join the party. She'd dashed out of the room after slipping on some boots and then made her way down to Faith's apartment.

Buffy glanced down at the jacket in surprise, "Umm, I have leather jackets, Faith. You could have just told me I needed one."

"Not like this, you don't." She shook the jacket at Buffy and waited until the blonde turned around and then she helped her into it.

Immediately Buffy was surrounded by the scent that was uniquely Faith and the intoxicating smell turned her knees to jelly. _What is she trying to do? Kill me?_ But instead of taking it off, she wrapped it tighter around herself and inhaled deeply. _Well if ya gotta go, this is one hell of a nice way to do it._

Faith watched Buffy with curiosity, enjoying the emotions that flitted across the older slayer's face. She saw the blonde shrug deeper into the coat and smiled. _Starting to do that a lot lately… Smile… It's kinda weird. _"Come on, it's a bit of a hike and you don't wanna miss it."

"Hike? Miss it? Where are we going, Faith? And come to think of it, how are we going?"

"Not literally hike…" _Well not really… If you use slayer standards. _"I just mean we got a ways to go and gotta get there soon. Just wait and see." The rogue thought about just taking Buffy's hand and leading her, but with everything still up in the air, she didn't feel like she had the right. Instead she started down the stairs and headed in the direction of the garage. She opened the door and flicked on the light, smiling when she saw her baby.

Buffy squinted in the harsh light. She glanced around, taking in Kennedy's Mustang, Willow's VW Beetle, Giles… Whatever the hell it was he drove. She even saw Xander's work truck but when her eyes reached the black and red motorbike she stopped. _No way… She couldn't… We're not going on that. _She watched as Faith headed in that direction, all the time hoping that they were really going to steal Kennedy's mustang. _Maybe it's one of the new slayer recruits. _Her hopes were dashed when Faith stopped in front of the bike.

Faith tried to hide her nervous excitement, she hoped Buffy liked her baby. "So, whatcha think? She's a 2006 Suzuki GSXR 1000. Zero to one hundred miles per hour in five point five seconds. I've had her up to just under one-sixty. I know she can go faster, just don't have the space around here to really let her run." She shifted nervously on her feet, waiting for Buffy's reaction. She loved this bike, loved the freedom it had brought her in the previous months. It was the first real important item she had ever owned… Well legally anyway.

Buffy stared at what she considered a death trap. She'd never been on a bike and wasn't too keen on the idea. "Ummm, its… nice."

"Nice?" Faith ran her hand lovingly down the seat of the bike. "Didn't you hear what I said? Treat her right and she purrs all the way to the bank. Most fun I've had outside of a bedroom in a long time. The sheer power of it, B. All of it under your control. You're gonna love it." She walked around to the far side of the bike and grabbed her helmet, setting it down on the seat. She opened up the storage compartment and grabbed out a pair of fingerless gloves, slipping them on her hands. She felt the adrenalin begin to fill her at the thought of speeding through the night. She turned to the storage cupboard behind her and opened it up, removing a plain black helmet. "I got her not long after you… You know, took off and stuff. Had all this money sitting in the bank and decided to get something I've always wanted. Still haven't regretted it. Me and Lucy have done a fair amount of cruising."

"Lucy?" Buffy was still in shock that Faith had brought a bike and trying to ignore the way she had caressed the bike. Pretending she didn't wish those hands had run down her body like that.

Faith patted the seat of her bike affectionately. "What? Everyone names their car. Why can't I name my bike?" She defended. "Lucy, meet Buffy. She's gonna come for a ride with us."

"I… Ahh… I don't know, Faith."

Faith heard the hesitancy in the blondes voice and felt her enthusiasm falter, her smile dying. "Look, if you don't wanna go, it's five by five. Maybe I can hot-wire K's car."

The blonde slayer would have had to be deaf and dumb to miss the disappointment in Faith's voice. _Suck it up, Slayer. You were destined to die young anyway. Who cares how it might happen._ "No, no. It's all good. Just a bit of a surprise… A nice surprise… Really." She reached out to take the helmet off Faith as if to confirm to both herself and the dark slayer that she was ok with this.

Faith let a smile play over her lips again. "Trust me, B."

"I do." Buffy was a little surprised that she meant it.

They stared at each other for a moment, both aware that the statement was about more than just the bike ride. Finally Buffy broke the moment by sliding the helmet over her head. Faith zipped up her jacket, watching as Buffy followed suit. When she was sure the older slayer was properly dressed, she slipped her own helmet on her head. She raised the visor and waited for Buffy to do the same. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be." The blonde tried to keep the tinge of fear out of her voice. _Vampires, werewolves, demons don't scare you but a simple bike ride does? You're so messed up, Buffy._

Faith opened the garage and rolled the bike out, waiting until Buffy followed her out, shutting the door behind them. She slid onto the bike and closed her visor, cutting off Buffy's vision of her. She turned towards her blonde counterpart and patted the seat behind her. She groaned, the sound masked by the helmet, as Buffy climbed on behind her, wriggling around, trying to get comfortable. She felt the warmth of her fellow slayer seep through her clothes. _Maybe this wasn't the best idea. How the hell am I supposed to concentrate with her this close? Too late now, just gonna have to deal with it._ She shifted, grabbing hold of Buffy's arms and wrapping them around her, wallowing in the sensation of being in the blonde slayers arms, even if it was out of necessity and not desire, for a moment.

Buffy's heart was beating a million miles an hour and she wasn't sure if it was the thought of riding the bike or the fact that there was only a few pieces of clothing separating her from Faith. She tightened her grip on the younger slayer when the bike started up._ Oh God, Oh God._ All lusty thoughts were forgotten for a moment as she felt the machine rumble under her. She felt a hand on her ankle and looked down to see Faith trying to show her where to put her feet. She moved them into position and then the bike started moving. _Oh God, Oh God. I'm going to die._

Faith tried to take the ride slow, but slow had never been her forte. She took it easy until they reached the highway and then opened Lucy up, letting her fly. The only time in the last six months she had felt at peace was when she had been on the bike, letting the wind whip away all the confusion, if only for a short time. Sharing this feeling with Buffy felt like the right thing to do.

It was still dark outside, but Faith knew sunrise was coming and she was trying to beat it. She let the bike run, exhilarated by the power of the machine. Buffy had started off the trip with her arms wrapped so tight around the dark slayer's waist, that she'd wondered if she'd be split in two but slowly the blonde had relaxed, her grip loosening to a normal standard. _This isn't so bad after all. Kind of nice actually… Ok not nice… Hot… This is hot. This is… This is… Well, Faith all over. Don't know why I was so surprised._

Faith felt Buffy lay her head on her back and smiled to herself. Happy that Buffy had finally settled into the ride, bike and riders in complete sync. She let her mind wander, her subconscious taking her where she wanted to go.

Could she take the chance? Risk everything? The one thing in the world she'd always wanted was on offer but was it really, in the end, worth it? She'd craved the blonde's attention for years, had used every method she could think of, most of them wrong. She had sort out the older woman's friendship when she'd come back to Sunnydale, a changed person. One thing she'd never let herself do, though, was imagine being in a relationship with Buffy, figuring it was something that would never happen. _Not in a million years._ So it hadn't seemed worth the heartache to picture it. Besides, she wouldn't know just where to start that particular daydream. _Buffy naked, yes. Buffy screaming my name, easy. Buffy cuddling up to me while we watch tv… _The last thought made the slayer curious at her own reaction. _Not as scary as it seems… So maybe…_ She forced her mind back on track, realising she was running out of time to reach some sort of resolution to her internal dilemma.

Faith turned the bike onto a partially hidden dirt track, slowing down considerably. She felt Buffy's grip on her tighten again and chuckled to herself. _Don't wanna give B a heart attack. _She shook her head, _Focus, Faith. Gotta figure this out. Always wanted B… No surprises there. Been so good the last few years… Well 'cept the last six months but whatever. Do I really wanna change that? Risk losing… Well everything I've gained? A home, some sort of normalcy… Ha! Me and normal… Who'd have thought it? A kind-of family. The gang like me, not just tolerate me like they did in the beginning but really like me as a person. Little D, Red, X-Man, Giles… I could even lose K's friendship. Is Buffy worth all that? _And that was the burning question. There was no doubt in her mind, that if things went wrong, the blame would fall on her shoulders. _Course it will be me who screws up. I'm always the one who screws up. _Faith felt her frown deepen, her body tightening up as she tried to shake off the feelings weighing her down.

Buffy felt Faith tense up and without even registering what she was doing, she snuggled in closer, letting her grip loosen. Using one hand, she began stroke the fabric covered skin under her hand, offering comfort to the rogue slayer.

Faith felt the movement of Buffy's hand and something inside her shifted. Such a simple gesture in her time of self doubt and everything finally became clear. _Got it figured, now just to let B in on it. _She took in her surrounding, _Almost ran outta time._ She slowed the bike even more and turned onto a small track, pulling off to the side. She turned the bike off and the sudden stillness, as always after riding Lucy, was a shock to her system. She waited until Buffy got off the bike, chuckling to herself as the blonde stumbled away from it.

Buffy pulled the helmet from her head, turning to face the still chuckling slayer. "Don't you dare laugh, Faith. I can hear you inside that helmet. It's been so long since I…"

Faith pulled off her own helmet and unzipped her jacket, unable to leave a comment like that hanging now that her own mind was clear on what she wanted. "Since you what, B? Rode something that hard for that long?" She watched the blush spread across the blonde's features, barely making it out in the twilight.

"What? No. You… You…" Buffy let out a deep sigh, realising that anything she said would only encourage the dark slayer. "We're… Well I have no idea where we are but we're here so what is it you wanted to show me?"

Unable to remove the grin from her face, but for reasons different to what the blonde thought, Faith motioned for Buffy to follow her. "Come on, its not far from here."

"There's hiking involved? You never mentioned hiking."

Faith rolled her eyes, "Yeah I did but I'm telling you, it's not that far. Whatcha want? Me to carry your lazy ass?"

"My ass is not lazy. It's… Well, it's not lazy… Look, just lead the way, oh great one. Lets get this 'walk' that's not a hike over and done with." Buffy realised she was being a little unfair but she was exhausted and a tired slayer is a grumpy slayer. _She'll just have to get used to it. I'm allowed to be grumpy sometimes._

Faith shook her head and took off deeper into the forest, listening to Buffy grumble under her breath the entire time. _You sure you wanna get yourself into this? _She let the thought sit for a moment, testing her resolve. _Yep, I'm sure._ Finally the trees thinned out and she crested a hill and came to a stop. She felt Buffy come to stand next to her, heard the slayer gasp. "Kinda pretty, ain't it?"

In front of them lay a small river winding its way through the hillside. The water splashed and gurgled as it made its way over the rocky bed, the sound soothing, even to the most frayed of nerves. Trees lined the shore except for a large boulder that reached out over the water. In the distance, the sun was just beginning to rise over the next hill.

"Come on, we wanna get on top of that rock for the best view." She headed down towards it, smiling to herself. _At least she's stopped complaining._ She started to run about twenty feet from the boulder and at the last moment dropped her helmet and jumped up, grabbing hold of the small gap she had found on her first visit here. She used it to pull herself up, then turned around and lay down, offering her hand to the blonde slayer. "Grab hold." She felt the warm palm slip into her own, felt the tingle that always came with touching the older slayer and gripped tight. "Ready?" At the blonde's nod, she pulled Buffy up until she could get a grip on the stone.

The boulder slopped slightly downwards towards the river and was about six foot long by about four foot wide. Faith sat up and removed her jacket, balling it up and then lying back down, putting the makeshift pillow under her head. She smiled when she saw Buffy do the same, there was barely enough room on the rock for both of them so that meant the blonde slayer had to lay down close to her. She looked out to where the sun was just beginning to put some colour back into the world, feeling a state of peace settle over her. "So I found this place not long after I got Lucy. I was out riding and decided… Well I dunno why I turned where I did, no real idea what brought me here but…" She shrugged, "This is my quiet place. It's where I've been comin' a lot. 'Bout half the time K thought I was out drinking or whatever, I was here. Just didn't want anyone to know about it… Not good for the rep, ya know. Before the sun comes up, it's nice and dark, quiet like but then… Shit, I dunno what I'm saying. I just like it, is all." Faith stared at the pinks and purples the sun was creating, trying to ignore the fact that her state of serenity was fast dissipating with the knowledge of what was to come.

Buffy didn't know what to say. She was dumbstruck that Faith could still find the beauty in this world after everything she had done and been witness to. The dark slayer bringing her here was a slight crack in the walls Faith had built around her long ago to protect herself from the world. Over the last two years, Buffy had chipped away at the wall but this was the first time Faith had really opened up about… Well anything in her life that didn't revolve around sex. "It's beautiful. Thank you for showing it to me."

_Now or never, bright spark. Lets do this before we chicken out. _Faith rolled onto her side to face Buffy, turning away from the breathtaking view to one she found just as breathtaking. "B, I…" She stopped and frowned. _Harder than I thought. Why could I say all that crap about this place but not about… Well the important stuff?_ She tried again. "Buffy, I think… Shit!" She growled in frustration.

Buffy saw the frown and wanted to reach over and wipe it away but was suddenly afraid to. _What if she's trying to think of a nice way to say no?_ She looked deep inside herself and realised, that no matter what the rogues choice was, she wouldn't let Faith leave her life again. Friendship or something more, it didn't matter what the dark slayer decided, Buffy would be ok with it so long as she had Faith around. She'd come to depend on the younger slayer more than she'd have thought possible a few years ago. "It's ok, Faith." She tried to reassure the younger woman.

"No… No it's not. I got so much I wanna say but… The whole trip here I was thinking about it all and now, I wanna tell you and the words get stuck like a chicken bone or something. I… I…" Faith paused, realising she was getting worked up. She closed her eyes. _Just open your eyes and say it!_ _If you can't say it then just show her._ "Buffy, ask me that question again." Maybe if she was answering a question, her mind would loosen up with hold on her tongue and she'd get out what she wanted to say.

"What question?" There had been so many questions and so very few answers.

Faith opened her eyes, wanting to reach up and slap her forehead in frustration. Why did everything have to be so difficult? "Work with me here, B. I'm trying but I need you to work with me. The last question you asked me." _I can't do it, I can't say it. Shit._

_What question? Idiot. Only _the_ question. I must be tired… But yay, her eyes are open again._ She looked into those warm brown eyes and asked the question, her heart pounding in her chest. "What do you think we should do about it?"

"I think…"

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**A.N Again...** Ok so I confess to knowing very little about bikes... I do know that, unlike Buffy, I love them but thats about where my knowledge ends so if i've said anything wrong, forgive me :D


	8. Rush

**A.N** Ok so let me thank you all for being so patient after such a long delay after a cliffhanger like that. Real life went sadistically crazy and this chapter so isn't about doom and gloom... Well maybe just a little doom. *grins* Then I finally have the chapter ready to go and, as most of you would know... Fan Fiction decided to take a holiday so I've been frustrated the last few days, to say the least. I kept telling the computer that I was late with posting so it had to let me in but it didn't listen, just kept telling me to come back in a few minutes... *grumbles about the use of the word 'minutes'*

Anyways, Thanks for all the excellent reviews! They make me happy! Keep letting me know what you think of each chapter! I even take suggestions and hints...

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_Cause when you kiss me  
I feel everything that I been missing  
I try to slow down but my heart wont listen  
And its tearing me all up inside  
And when you touch me  
I feel a rush but I'm afraid that it might crush me  
Should I put my trust in something I don't trust in  
I try to run but there's no place to hide  
Cause baby kisses don't lie_

Kisses Don't Lie - (Rihanna)

Chapter 8

"I think…" Faith returned Buffy's gaze, looking for any sign that she shouldn't do what she was about to. _Words suck, action's better, maybe not smarter but definitely better. _She moved in a little closer, her heart beat intensifying. She stopped to gauge the blonde's reaction. _Don't hesitate! _The warning came to late, her mind filling with all the reasons this could never work, all the doubts she had pushed away. _We're so different. Hell, half the time I've know her, she's hated me. This can't work, she'll change her mind… Once she realises I'm still fucked up. I'm still the same person she's always known. A little calmer, sure but still me. I'll hurt her… This can't end good... And it will end. I know it, a girl like her could never stick with a girl like me. She's so much better than I'll ever… _The thought was cut off by a hand gently running down her arm. She let her eyes drift away from the blonde's intense gaze, to the soft lips just inches below. She wanted to move in and capture those lips with every part of her being. Her mind warred with her heart for what felt like hours but was, in reality, mere seconds. Finally she muttered, "I think we should just go with it." The words barely audible but echoing in her mind, silencing the protests. She could only hope they were silenced for good. She closed the distance, placing one hand on the other side of the prone slayer to support herself, not giving Buffy a chance to react either way to her words.

The dark slayer's nerves were on edge, every time she had ignored her gut feeling, things had gone badly. Buffy could still change her mind, could still push her away and if that happened, Faith wasn't sure her world would ever recover. It didn't matter if she hadn't confessed the depths of her feelings in words. She'd move on, go on breathing, functioning but living might just be impossible. She'd always been about the thrill, the risks but this one topped them all, made them pale in comparison, this one might just destroy everything she'd worked so hard for in the last few years.

Faith let her lips show the older slayer just how much she wanted her, putting everything she had, everything she was into this first kiss of what could be her first real relationship. She felt the familiar tingle take over her body and cloud her brain and it felt so good, so right. She knew she'd made the right decision. Where Buffy was concerned, the rogue slayer would give up everything she had for just a moment of peace that only giving herself to the blonde could bring. She closed her mind off to everything but the sensation of warm lips moving against hers, giving into the heat and desire surging through her body. She tried to push down the niggling fear that still lingered long after Buffy's arms surrounded her.

Buffy felt Faith's lips brush against hers and the feelings they evoked zinged straight from her mouth to her core, the fire that had been smouldering bursting into white hot flames. She met the questing tongue with her own, but instead of duelling, like the last kiss the pair had shared, this time the touch was a caress and it made her already quivering insides, melt into a puddle. Her arms reached up and wrapped around the brunette's shoulders, one hand slipping up into the chocolate tresses. _I think we should just go with it. _The words wrapped themselves around her heart, spreading a warmth throughout her body that had little to do with the physical world. She wasn't stupid, she knew Faith's words weren't a lifetime commitment but they did mean a chance to see just how deep this… Whatever it was could go.

Feeling the touch of her heart's desire, Faith's arms started to shake with the strain of holding herself up. Not that she was tired, by any means, just that everything was screaming at her to close every last gap between them, location be damned. She felt nails scrape her scalp and couldn't suppress the shiver that went through her body. She knew she had to do something or the two of them were going to end up naked and making with the wiggly in a minute and that would lead to sticks and stones in bad places. It wouldn't have bothered her so much had it been any other person, but it wasn't. It was Buffy and that made all the difference.

She broke the kiss, shifting her lips to nibble along the blonde's jaw line and then down to her ear. Her mouth closed over the sensitive earlobe of the other slayer and nipped gently, eliciting a moan from her blonde counterpart. _This is getting us nowhere. Home. Now. _"Home. Now." She murmured into Buffy's ear. She leaned back to look into the blonde's eyes, watching as the slayer slowly nodded. She knew what she wanted and as encouraging as Buffy had been so far, the brunette had no idea just what the blonde slayer expected, no idea how far she was willing to go. _Just take it slow and easy… _The younger slayer felt a hand brush down along her back and closed her eyes. _Yeah because that's gonna be real easy to do. _It took every piece of control she had for Faith to move away and stand up.

Buffy watched as Faith shifted away from her, her body already complaining at the distance between them. _Faith's right. Home is a much better option. Except my body doesn't want to move right now. _Slowly she managed to sit up, her eyes never leaving the body of her dark slayer. _Mine!_ Her mind stamped its ownership. _What does she expect? I've never… _Doubts tried to crowd in at the loss of contact but Buffy ruthlessly pushed them away. _I want Faith. The rest will just… Work itself out._ She watched as Faith put on her jacket, the movements hurried. She saw the dark slayer reach out a hand so she took hold of it and got up. Hands were also there, helping her into her borrowed jacket. She smiled, "Someone's in a bit of a rush."

Faith stopped what she was doing, sure that her eyes must look wild, she felt wild, barely in control of her desires. Thoughts and plans were running rampant in her mind of all the things she wanted to do to and with the blonde slayer. "You complaining? Cos I can go real slow if you like." She raised an eyebrow in question, not sure if she really could slow things down. Buffy was in for a real thrill when they got on the bike. A calm slow ride was not an option right at this moment. _Slow can come later…. Speed now._

Now that the decision had been made, Buffy let herself get a little bit daring, still ignoring the doubts flitting around the edges of her conscious mind. A saucy grin broke out on her face, "I don't mind slow… But I'm in the mood for hot and fast and wet and… I think it's about time I had just a little faith."

Faith felt the stunned look spread across her face. She was sure that if a breeze had picked up, she'd have been blown right over. _Did that just come out of B's mouth? That's somethin' I would say. She's been hiding her wicked side._ She felt herself smile once the shock wore off. _Damned if it ain't sexy as hell either. _"A little faith never hurt anyone." She closed the gap between them again and ravaged the older slayer's mouth, this time slipping her arms around the blonde, drawing her hard up against her body. She felt the wetness between her legs grow and growled deep in her throat when Buffy met her wild kiss with one of her own. _Shit. Who's bright idea was it to bring B out into the middle of nowhere. Idiot. Home! Now!_ Her mind urged her again and she broke the kiss, happy to see Buffy's breathing was as ragged as her own. She reached down and grabbed the other slayer's hand. "Come on. I ain't no knight in shining armor so if we don't get goin', I ain't gonna be responsible for the gravel rash."

They jumped off the rock together, Faith gathering up the dropped helmets without breaking stride. They reached the bike a lot faster than leaving it had taken, quickly zipping up their jackets. Faith was about to put on her helmet but hesitated. Everything was screaming at her to drive as fast as she could but she didn't want to scare Buffy. _Knowing my luck, she'll be over wanting a little Faith._ "B?"

Buffy looked up from zipping up her jacket and met beautiful brown eyes, reading the burning desire that matched her own but also the note of concern. She watched as those eyes looked from her to the bike and back again and she picked up on what Faith was asking. She weighed up her options and came to the conclusion that she only had one, get home fast. "Just get me home in one piece."

Faith nodded and smiled. She put the helmet on, and jumped on the bike waiting for Buffy to join her. She felt the blonde slide in behind her, felt arms wrap around her middle. She closed her eyes. _And I thought the trip up here was bad. _She started the bike and let it coast until they were back on the track. She picked up a little speed but it felt like the track went on forever. _Where the hell's the road. Fuck. We could do it on the bike. No one around to see. _She shook her head. She wanted Buffy naked and quivering under her and a bike just wasn't the place to achieve that. _Save it for another time. _

Finally they hit the open road and Faith gunned it, pushing way past the legal speed limit. She briefly felt Buffy's arms tighten around her and she let the bike slow down, only to speed back up when she felt a hand slide down her thigh, nails scratching through the leather. Faith tried to shake off what Buffy's hands were doing, needing all her concentration on the bike and the road before them. _B's so gonna pay for this._ She tried to ignore the hand that slowly crept up and slipped in under her jacket. Tried to ignore fingers, cool from the wind, which tickled their way across her belly. Finally, unable to take anymore without spontaneously combusting, she removed a hand off the controls and put it over the questing hand, giving it a squeeze. The instrument of her torture was removed but instead of being wrapped around her waist again, it rested on her thigh, a nail tracing patterns in her leg. _Thank fuck we're not far from home._

Normally Faith took extra care with her bike, it was her baby after all. After a drive, she'd wipe Lucy down and make sure everything was running smoothly but this time, poor Lucy took a back seat to the other woman in Faith's life, a blonde named Buffy. Faith ripped the bike into the driveway, shutting the engine down and impatiently waiting until Buffy go off the bike. As soon as the blonde was free, she climbed off, dragging her helmet off her head. She scowled at the older slayer.

Buffy took her time removing her helmet, trying to suppresses the huge grin brought on by Faith's obvious torment her actions had caused the younger slayer. Through the tinted glass, she noticed the fire in her soon to be lover's eyes. _All that's for me._ The thought making her smile grow even brighter.

"You can't hide in there forever, B. Take the damn helmet off before I do it." Faith was wound so tight she feared she'd burst at the slightest touch from her blonde counterpart. The slayer known for regularly being hungry and horny had been without sex for six months and relieving herself had done little to lessen the burn. Buffy had successfully stoked the fires until Faith was hotter than she had ever been in her life and it was all she could do not to strip Buffy naked there and take what she so desperately wanted.

Buffy slowly removed the helmet, not bothering to try and hide the grin anymore. It was proving impossible to get it under control. She'd never seen Faith this worked up and the sight had her own desire reaching fever pitch. She put the helmet on the bike seat and was about to speak when Faith grabbed her, dragging her up against her body.

"Pay back's a bitch, B. You just remember that." It was a promise, not a threat. Faith opened the garage and pulled Buffy into it, shutting the door and locking out any eyes that might be watching. She pushed the blonde up against the door, closing the gap and thrusting a thigh in between Buffy's, bringing it up to grind against the older slayer's core. She smiled as Buffy moaned deep in her chest and then captured the sound before it could escape.

* * *

Willow had been trying to sleep for the last few hours but concern over Buffy had her mind refusing to stay quiet. She would drift for a moment or two and then find herself wide awake again for no real reason. _Except for my stupid brain trying to over-analyse everything._ To say she was worried would be an understatement. She hadn't seen Buffy cry like that for years and the sight had unsettled her more than she cared to admit. Even if Faith had gone to sort it out, it still didn't reassure the witch. In all the years she'd known the dark slayer, even post jail, it hadn't changed. Faith's way of sorting things out often led to violence before anything was ever resolved.

When she'd returned to her room with Kennedy, the red head had managed to be distracted for a while by her very talented girlfriend but it hadn't lasted, Kennedy soon drifting off to sleep and Willow was once again left to ponder over everything that had happened since Buffy's return.

She's kept her ears open for any sound from the two slayer's rooms, something to show one of them was awake so she could go and talk to them, try to ease her mind. So when she heard what sounded like a thud against the wall in the hallway, she sat up. She ignored Kennedy's mumbled protest at the sudden movement. She listened intently, trying to figure out if her imagination was playing tricks on her. Just when she started to think she'd heard nothing, the sound had come again, only closer and she felt her concern grow.

Everyone should have been in bed by now and this was the scoobies wing, there should be no noises from the hallway, rooms, possibly… Hallway, no. She knew that all the scoobies had retired to their rooms and this sound had come from the direction of the entrance to the scoobies wing. She'd been listening for hours so she'd have heard if someone had left. _Someone… or something's in the house. _She gently shook the sleeping slayer beside her, feeling the beginning of fear settle heavily in her belly. "Did you hear that?"

Kennedy mumbled something the witch couldn't make out and rolled over, pulling the covers up over her head.

Willow reached over and pulled the covers back down, whispering urgently. "Kenn… I think someone's in the house."

"S'probably jus' a slayer returning late." Kennedy tried to cling to sleep. _There's two other slayers here. Let one of them deal with it for a change. _

"But I heard the noise in the hallway… Our hallway. No one should be up yet." Willow protested quietly.

Sighing in defeat, the young slayer rolled over, giving up the last vestiges of sleep and looked at her girlfriend in the early dawn light. Once Willow got something in her head, there was no getting it out. Kennedy had tried over and over again in the last few years and had finally come to the conclusion it was easier just to give in and give the red head what she wanted, which at this moment in time, was the young slayer awake and listening. "So maybe someone got hungry and went down to the…" Her voice trailed off as something banged against their door. "It's just someone half asleep, stumbling about. Probably Xander, you know what he's like." She reasoned away the noise, trying to ignore the waves of fear beginning to radiate off her lover.

"No one's left their room, Kenn. I've been awake. I'd have heard them. Buffy only got home yesterday. What if it's a demon after her? What if it heard the news she's back. She was so tired when I left her. She might not wake up in time." Willow tried to keep the panic out of her voice. She knew she was probably over reacting but, in her sleep deprived state, it was impossible to subdue.

Kennedy sat up and reached out to pull her girlfriend against her, quieting the willow-babble. "Trust me, there's nothing to worry…" The words froze on her lips as they both heard a growl. "Ok, so maybe I better go check it out. I'm sure its not a demon but just in case…" She released Willow and started to climb out of bed.

Willow grabbed Kennedy's arm before she could leave their warm nest. "You can't go out there alone."

"Not much of a choice right now. I'm a slayer, baby. Its what I do. Everything will be fine. It's probably nothing." She stood up when the witch released her arm, moving to put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. "You just wait here and I'll be… What the hell are you doing?"

Willow was out of bed, pulling a shirt over her head. Anger had replaced the fear and she was spitting mad that something would dare break into her home. "What does it look like? I'm coming with you."

"No, you're not. We don't know what could be out there." Kennedy wasn't afraid of whatever might be out there but fear blossomed at the thought of Willow being in danger.

"Exactly and I'm not just going to lie here in bed while you go out there alone. I'm a pretty nifty witch, remember."

"But.."

"Nope, no buts. I couldn't live with myself if you went out there and something happened to you so please…" Willow let her voice trail off. "Look, you're probably right. It's probably nothing… But I'm not letting you face whatever may or may not be out there alone." She held up her hand, stopping Kennedy's protest before it could even get started. "I know you're a slayer, I know this is what you do but you're also the most important person in my life. I wouldn't let _any_ slayer go out there alone so I sure as hell am not going to let the woman I love go."

Kennedy sighed, Willow's words spreading warmth throughout her, destroying all her protests. _When did it get so hard to say no to her? Oh right… It's always been hard. _"Ok, fine but stay behind me and if it looks like trouble, run and get help from the newbies." She opened the chest at the end of the bed and pulled out a sword then turned to look at Willow again. "I mean it, if it's trouble, you go get help. No trying to be a hero."

"But I could…" Willow let her voice trail off as Kennedy shook her head. The pair stood there glaring at each other until another thud broke the silent argument. "That came from Buffy's room."

Kennedy felt a growl rumble in her chest at the thought of a fellow slayer in danger. "Come on." She moved out of the bedroom and towards the door to the hallway. She stopped and put her ear to the door, listening for any sounds. Hearing nothing but the quiet breathing of herself and her lover, she cracked the door open and peered out.

* * *

**A.N** Hope it was worth the wait. Things will speed up again soon I promise... *grins*


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